Why?!

Years has passed since I have felt like this,
Since I have felt an emptiness within.
A desperate and hopeless feeling,
"I'll never be good enough, to anyone"

They say " the past is in the past",
I must question this.
I find myself awakening daily,
Glancing back to the darkened days.

Where I was helpless to escape,
From the abuse I suffered.
The emotions still linger within,
The scars are still visible.

The memories of the torture I endured,
The nights where I was but a toy.
Where no one came to save me,
Your pervert acts becoming a nightly routine.

Leaving me hurt, scared and alone,
No one wanted to believe my cries.
No one hear my pleas of desperation,
Just another lost soul struggling to survive.

No one understood why I was shy,
Why I never wanted to participate.
No one could understand the reason,
I never wore short sleeved shirts or skirts.

I was covering the horrific bruises,
The cuts that lie bleeding under my clothes.
Here I am in the future, lost and confused,
Trying to make sense of who I have become.

Where do these daily mood swings come from?
How can I be so cruel to the love of my life?
Why do I still fear betrayal and happiness?
Why does my past affect my life today?

So many unanswered question I have,
Wish I could make sense of this battle.
Will I ever be able to block it all out?
How come I cannot forget the past?

.....I thought time healed all wounds.....
...When will my time come then?.....
.....Why am I still left unhealed....
........Unable to explain all that's inside!.....