A Maiden’s Tale
A Script by Nickelspring
[Setting: A clearing in a forest . Rays of late afternoon light dance on the mossy forest floor. Off to the left, laying on the ground, is a beautiful young maiden wearing a dusty maroon dress. Her tousled auburn hair lays strewn, framing her angelic face. Her eyes are closed, apparently unconscious or in a deep sleep.
The distant sound of children laughing and yelling comes closer until they burst into the glen. There are four children. CATHAIL, a 10 year old girl with a dark braid down her back; her 7 year old brother NIALL; and SINEAD, her 5 year old sister in black ringlets. The fourth is a sandy-haired boy of 12 named SENOCH.]
[Sinead runs over to the maiden on the ground]
SINEAD: Hey guys! Look!
[They all come to look at the maiden. Senoch kneels down on the ground by her, looking her over carefully]
NIALL: Is she dead?
SENOCH: I don’t think so… Look at her chest. See? Its rising and falling- she’s breathing.
CATHAIL: [with mirth in her voice] Oh, you just want to look at her boobs!
[She stoops to shake the maiden’s shoulder- laughing] Miss! Miss! He’s looking at your boobs!
SENOCH: Stop it Cathail! Don’t touch her- maybe she’s hurt!
CATHAIL: Well, she’s not waking up.
SINEAD: [taking a hold of Senoch’s hand] What happened to her Senoch? Is she going to die?
SENOCH: I don’t know, Shin, she’ll probably be ok.
NIALL: Maybe she was running through the forest with some boys and they stopped here to play catch with a rock and she couldn’t catch too good- you know, cuz she’s a girl and all. [smirking at Cathail, who becomes visibly irate] And the rock hit her in the head and the boys went to go get help.
CATHAIL: Shut up Niall, that’s sooo stupid. Why would they play catch with a rock?
SENOCH: Besides she doesn’t have a bump on her head.
SINEAD: Maybe she was running from a bear and got so scared she fell down and went to sleep!
NIALL: There aren’t any bears in these woods, Shin.
SINEAD: Well, she looks like she was scared…
CATHAIL: Maybe she was running from an evil magician who cast a spell on her that she would fall into a deep sleep and who ever kissed her first, she would be their slave forever. [with a malicious grin] Go on Senoch, kiss her and see…
SENOCH: why don’t you kiss her Cath, I think you would enjoy it more than me!
[Cathail’s mouth drops open in feigned surprise and hurt]
CATHAIL: Ok, smart ass, what do you think happened to her?
[A smile creeps over Senoch’s his face. He runs his finger along the line of buttons that cascade down her dress from her ample bosom. He stops at a stray thread that marks where a button has been ripped off of her dress.]
SENOCH: Well, perhaps she was running from someone- someone who had evil intentions towards her. [With a glint in his eye, he catches each of the other children’s eye in turn. They all breathlessly await his dark tale]
SENOCH: Perhaps she lived with her ailing Grandmother. But before she died, she called her to her side and gave her the Blessing of the Faeries to protect her on her journey to find her only remaining relative north of here.
NIALL: What’s the Blessing of the Faeries do?
Senoch: The Blessing protects you from evil magic. After her Grandmother died, she packed up her few belongings in a rucksack and put on her only good dress and started north to find her relative. She traveled carefully so not to attract unwanted attention, sleeping in hidden tree trunks and such.
NIALL: But she doesn’t have a rucksack…
CATHAIL: Shhhhh! Shut up and just listen….
SENOCH: [grinning…] Not any more. As she traveled along the road, she happened upon a poor old woman who needed help. Since the maiden’s heart is pure, she stopped to help. What she didn’t know is that it wasn’t an old woman at all, but an evil witch who admired the maiden’s beauty and wanted her for herself. Disguised as the old woman, she led the maiden deep into the woods to her lair. She fed her some soup spiked with special herbs to make her really drowsy and dizzy. Then she took her and prepared her for dark rituals. When she the witch was just about to devour her, hundreds of butterflies and birds swarmed the witch, driving her into the woods, away from the maiden.
SINEAD: Is that the Blessing of the Fairies??
SENOCH: Yes, Shin, the blessing…. So with the witch away, the maiden stumbled off into the forest disoriented and without her rucksack. [deliberately looking at Niall] The witch attempted to track her down, but couldn’t. The maiden ran until she couldn’t run anymore and fell down into a deep sleep. And here she lies.
SINEAD: Oh, Senoch, will she wake up soon?
SENOCH: I guess when the time is right.
Cathail: Its starting to get dark, we should head back.
SINEAD: [with a look of horror] But we can’t just leave her here!! [turning to Senoch with tears] We can’t just leave her!
[Senoch and Cathail exchange glances]
CATHAIL: I heard that Heather flowers are supposed to protect a person from harm. Lets go pick some and put them all over her….
[All but Senoch go to find flowers. Senoch touches a lock of the maiden’s auburn hair that lays in the moss, looks her over]
SENOCH: [in a whisper] I wish I truly knew what happened to you, fair maiden. I will check on you in the morning.
[The children return with fists full of fresh Heather. They carefully arrange the flowers over the maiden]
SENOCH: Ok, she will be fine. Let’s get going before the witch, looking for her, finds us! [winks at Cathail]
[The children run out of the clearing back towards where they came from. The sun sets on the maiden, covered in fresh Heather. ]
Close scene.
Author notes
This round the seven of you will be writing a script for a play.
I think where I was trying to go with this is in terms of flaws in our society is in how our perceptions and where we come (our own stories) influence how we view and judge other people. Also, it seems children are more tolerant and compassionate to the misfortunes of others. 
forgive me, I've had the flu.
And, I guess, All Hallow's Eve got away with me...
A contest entry
- X Factor 3: Round Seven [Top 7] by sideways hourglass.
800 points, ended November 6, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Wow, I could smell the richness of the woods, and feel the wonder.
Excellent write!
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Thanks
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A Maiden's Tale
Requirements met: 10/10
Content/Creativity: 10/10
Spelling/Diction: 10/10
Punctuation/Syntax: 10/10
Quality of main theme: 10/10
Quality of storyline: 10/10
Quality of characters: 10/10
Transition, flow, development: 10/10
Emotion/Reaction: 9/10
Overall quality of script: 10/10
"X Factor" Extra Credit: 5/5
Total: 104/100
Imaginative, unusual and very well written.
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Thank you!!
Kris
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A Maiden’s Tale
Requirements met: 10/10
Content/Creativity: 10/10
Spelling/Diction: 10/10
Punctuation/Syntax: 10/10
Quality of main theme: 10/10
Quality of storyline: 10/10
Quality of characters: 10/10
Transition, flow, development: 10/10
Emotion/Reaction: 10/10
Overall quality of script: 10/10
"X Factor" Extra Credit: 5/5
Total: 105/100
~genie~ -
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Wow!! Awsome, thank you!!
Kris
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Well words fail me.. and that doesnt happen much...lol.. I absolutley loved this script.. Got the scene in my head... Just like a film.... I thought this was quite a dark write... kept the reader guessing to the end... Well done ..... truly a great write and I wish you all the luck in this contest..
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I was really trying to not make it a dark write, and I held back quite a bit (I'll put it in my story for Nano!). Frankly Im not sure what happened to the maiden or if she's ok!
Thank you, hun. You know I appreciate your comments
Kris
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102 - X Factor
I just got done commenting Angela's entry, telling her how her script was one of the most original entries of all time, and how it could be the most original of all time. Honestly, I can say the same to you. This is far different than anything I've seen in any X Factor contest...
Requirements met: 10/10
Content/Creativity: 10/10
Spelling/Diction: 10/10
Punctuation/Syntax: 10/10
Quality of main theme: 9/10
Quality of storyline: 10/10
Quality of characters: 10/10
Transition, flow, development: 9/10
Emotion/Reaction: 9/10
Overall quality of script: 10/10
"X Factor" Extra Credit: 5/5
Total: 102/100
My only critique is that I think your flaw in society wasn't as apparent as I hoped it would be...within the content. I think this situation didn't highlight your point as much as you may have intended, because I think that an adult would have sought help immediately...since she was dead. Anyway, your notes cleared it up, and it is most definitely a great choice of topic. Overall, this is straight-up fantastic.
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Honestly I expected to get ripped for this! I agree, I didn't bring out a flaw in society well, it got away from me. I appreciate your comments- this was truly a fun one to write
Thank you!
Kris
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Nah, this is actually very good. There are some signs of it within the content itself, that's why I didn't deny this entry the XF bonus points. With some further thought, one could reach such a conclusion of what you may have intended. So, yeah, good job - even with the flu!
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oooo I like this.
Keept my attention the whole way.
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Tis a tad long, lol. Thanks
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Holy MOly. I remember we had to write a script in drama at University. Man, if that was not scary...and happens, my children were going through divorce and etal at the time, so I ended up writing a scenario from that. I am not good at it, but aced that one and have never done it again! Good Luck! pen friend!
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Thank you, should be an interesting challenge! It sounds like inspiration from life generates good writing. I've been wracking my brain for a scenario, a story- anything and have really just got nothing, but I have an idea now (we'll see...). This comes at an opportune time because Im trying to put together some ideas for stories for NaNoWriMo next month. Thank you for popping in, I always appreciate your comments!
Kris
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