The Mistakes We Pay For Later In Life

Hello, my name is Alessandra,
I was a fourteen year old girl when my mother passed away,
From cancer four years ago.The man that is said to be my father
Has been a no show  for my  whole life.

I grew up a warden of the state since I was ten,
I had been in and out of homes, because I was to much for,
The people that usually choose me.
Because none of them were my mother nor were they my father.

I might have never met him, but none of those people,
Were her or him. I didn't want to be adopted.
I ran away from almost every home they put me in.
I was a rebel, I was a druggie also.

They all thought they could fix me,
Most of them christian worshipers.
Thinking that if "God" was there,
That it would refocus her life.

What none of them new,
Was that she watched her mother die,
Or that she had been helping take care of her.
It didn't matter just how tragically that was scarred on her mind.

That she watched her own mother slip away,
Slip away from this earth and to the next world.
I can still remember that, until this day.
I will always remember that, until my very last breathe.

Even now, I might be in my thirties.
Even with being a drug head to be able to forget,
What all pain I had gone though when I was younger.
After my close encounter with death,

I saw things in a new light,
Which changed my life,
And how I saw things.
I saw what I was doing to myself,

Which that wasn't the best thing for me.
It dulled my color of the brightness of my green eyes.
The earlier years of gray hairs started before,
They ever should have, I look older than I look.

My decisions of my past,
Effect me in ways, that I can't explain to all.
Some would just have to experience.
But I would never tell anyone to do drugs.

They are the worst thing that can happen to you.
Messing up the lives of not just your own,
But those of the ones trying to help you also.
They put time an effort of trying to make your life better.

I wish I could go back in time,
Tell everyone of them thank you for trying,
To help me, but sometimes we just don't want to listen.
Because, us teenagers at the time think we know it all.

When really we know nothing at all.
We think we know life, love, and happiness.
Then we get mixed up in the wrong crew of people.
That tell us to do one thing, when we know its wrong.

Yet we give into the peer pressure,
So that we can fit in with the crew.
Now, I know what I did,
Which causes me more pain,

Than it should have.
I should have said "No,"
But I didn't and thus,
I pay for my mistakes.