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Food

I crave you,                                          I hate you,
Tempting me,                                      Taunting me,
Making my taste buds tingle                  Making my stomach churn
At the thought of you.                          At the sight of you.
I hunger for you                                    I detest you
Even when I've eaten my fill.                Even when I'm starving sick.

You're delicate,                                    You're disgusting,
Beautiful lust,                                      Saturated hate,
Laced with the finest tastes,                Filled with slick oily fats,
My secret comfort.                              My hidden sin.

So hot and sweet,                                So warm and sickly,
Adorned with treacle lattice,                Smothered in sticky sauces,
Served with smooth cream.                Draped in liquid sin.
Teasing with a centre                          Oozing from your centre
Peeking from the side.                        The sickness that's inside.

Author notes

I am interested to know how people choose to read this, line by line, paragraph by paragraph or column by column. I tried to write it in such a way that it can be read differently, but retains the contrast of the same thing from two different views.

On a personal level this was written in mind of my recent trouble with food, the constant changing conflict of interests, sometimes the compulsion to eat and others the hatred for eating.

I would really love to hear any input on any aspect of this piece, subject matter, form, layout, anything. Be as critical as you like with a mind to improve this piece where it is weak.

All comments welcome especially constructive criticism :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Lowell Poe
    November 12

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    I read this across lass...
    the contrasts meshed better to me...
    very cleaver little gypsy...
    very original.....
    i found it fasinating and extremely creative.....
    i would not change this on the bases of leaving it as is
    for future reverence in a similar style of a different subject...
    i feel you went out on a limb here and it really payed off...
    in my humble opinion...
    taking time to read my work means a great deal to me...
    thank you for your sincere input...
    help yourself to more...

    Bless your heart lass,
    Laim

  • Virulent Malice
    October 28

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    Well, the form is great. And I'm a psychology student, so most people will read line by line at first, until they realize it's a mirrored image and then they'll finish reading one side then the other. That's what I did. More devices could've been used, the language was as plain as the title. But the form was neat.


  • laura0757 gold member
    October 27

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    i read this a few ways...line by line side by side,,,,,interesting way of approaching the subjuct of a food disorder.........I dont suffer from this particular one,,,,,,,,but I can realate with it......to some degree......well expressed


  • g e m m a
    October 27

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    I think you could have used a lot more poetic and creative devices here. I think you could have illustrated you problems with food more thougtfully. That being said, I could relate and empathize with every word of this poem. I have the same relationship with food and I know how disgusting it feels. I'm really glad to see something so honest and unique up here.