I can't stop the constant reminder of your betrayal.
You're deafening silence and embarrassment cut me.
Why can't you love me the way I am right now?
Do I always have to die a little inside when you talk?
You're pushing me closer and closer to the edge.
It hurts so bad inside and you don't even care.
I keep telling myself that life will get better.
That it won't always be this way. But I know I am lying.
You're never going to change. I am never going to be perfect.
I don't want to care anymore but it's not that easy.
So instead I rely on my disorders to get me through this.
My dreams are gone. I'm just waiting for my time to run out.
Hiding behind a mask and fake smiles while crying inside.
When I am alone I reach for my instrument and scratch.
Blood always makes it feel better. It gets me by.
After it's done I can finally sleep. I can finally breathe.
It takes the pain off of the inside and makes me feel alive.
Comments
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I felt....
..... The same way when trapped with my first fiancee (She lied and told me she was preggers) I cut myself just to remind myself I could feel. I regret it now for everyday is a long sleeve day for me, but I made it through and you can as well. Times seem dark now, but things always get better eventually at least is always has and I am nearing 40.
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I don't even try to hide mine anymore. Thank god it faded but I still cut sometimes to remind myself that I am alive and can feel. I am sorry for the pain you have gone through. Hugs.
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soo deep,omg..but this shit was really good!!!wooow it really was!! instead i rely on my disorders to get me through this...powerful please check mine out x
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Very sad write Guin, but don't let yourself ever feel that cutting will make the pain go away. You can change and I know you can if you give it a strong effort. It's all up to you. Love ya, you can write me anytime. Keep writing.
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