Lilith lay on
the swampy ground,
her body now a board
of driftwood;
in the storm
that afternoon, the lightning
was hungry
with lips, transfixed
to stone
she mouths about
a rainbow
i never would've noticed;
this was the first time
she had seen one
Author notes
*Lilith is a name with Hebrew origins that means 'Storm Goddess'
A contest entry
- Brevity. by Naridill.
400 points, ended November 1, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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nicely done. favorite myth of mine.
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Effective imagery - I like the way you create life within life within art. not sure I like the phrasing of the ending but the build up was stellar, perhaps that's why the ending didn't stand out so much. Goodluck.
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upon second read through, this was one of my favorite things i've seen in a long time.
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Wow, thank-you!
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this was interesting, keep it flowing
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this is made all the more badass by the (possibly unintentioanl) biblical allusion. lilith is either adams first wife or a temptress that desires his beauty when hes separated from eve for a hundred something years after theyre kicked out of the garden depending on the source.
i might change "saw" to "had seen"
and "lays" to either "lay" or "lie" (the first being past tense and the second being present. im not sure why i suddenly remembered the lay and lie rules. hahaha)
imagery was great though. all very natural.
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Haha. Wow, I would really love to say that was completely intentional and my mind thought that up... but unfortunately, I would be lying.
But, that is really awesome that it also worked out that way too.
I'll fix up my most bad grammar.
Thank-you for the comment! Glad you liked.
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flip this imagery brilliant.
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