The sun soaked through skin
and the rain did the same,
but most of the time,
she only felt the chill in the wind,
not the clement clouds that
spoke in colors.
Author notes
eh.
A contest entry
- Brevity. by Naridill.
400 points, ended November 1, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This piece reminds me of the times where I would stare out the window and I sat as still as stone but those hard memories just flooded through my head.
I'm not sure what it means for you but it's a nice little piece. I really like to two opening lines.
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This piece is moving - I love the phrasing in end section, it's stunning and really lifts itself from the pages. I would suggest a small twist on words at start - starting with the rain imitating then moving onto the sun, I just feel it would push this piece the bit further. But either way - you have gripped strong imagery in such brevity. Goodluck.
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clap... (peeks between fingers)...
Fallen against panes: title; foremost to me a crossroads being reached is implied; unseen danger lurks; or perhaps a new perspective is realized... or remains beyond your grasp. Reading further I sense past experiences and impressions over rule present conditions regardless of optimism and change.
The sun soaked through skin and the rain did the same: the norm; experience; opposite influences (good or bad) pose the same effect.
but most of the time, she only felt the chill in the wind: more than numbness and apathy, a definite empathy to negativity is evoked.
not the clement clouds that spoke in colors: hidden comforts of possibility lying out of reach.
clap... clap!
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This is beautifully penned I especially love the last three lines.
she only felt the chill in the wind,
not the clement clouds that
spoke in colors.
spoke in colors really touches my poetic heart.
Great job, good luck in the contest.
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