I recall, again, that morning
waking: close, so close:
touching lips,
an everlasting
kiss.
We breathed in love,
felt it strong within
and gazed into
connected
souls.
Love lies alone, apart:
without regret,
two hearts beat still,
precious moments
linger.
A contest entry
- I'm Still Breathing by Auburn Sunrise.
700 points, ended November 13, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Very nice
So sweet I can taste it. I like this one. Many men do no appreciate love this way. Keep writing, I will keep reading.
Beth
-
A beautiful poem. I love the format, and how each word is an expression of love...Wonderful. A very touching write.
-
There is power in brevity and you have shown that power here
Much emotions in this piece..I love the ending..two hearts not severed through seperation but still united in friendship..that is my interpretation anyhow
i agree with Allie..the choppy script enhances the happenings of a fragmented relationship..very clever..wish you the best..David
-
Love the format of this - the short, choppy lines make it feel that much more immediate and personal. As if we're being let in on your thoughts, as they occur to you - instead of reading carefully constructed lines (which I'm sure you did carefully construct them, not to say you didn't - but this style makes it feel so much more personal).
Also, the words you ended lines with were very important and the staggered length makes you stop to think about each line, each word. The shorter length makes you naturally pause more before the next line - which places much more emphasis on individual words and images. That works well for this, because in relationships all the little details are very important.
Great write. Thanks for entering!
Adding your comment:
