slime trails on chilled meat
as the walls exhale
energy dissipates
I recapitate
the man is gone
unadulterated
infatuated hate
and this unanswered
blood on these hands
is not my own
lo the only bodies
own my skin
thus I am caught
red handed
for soon wings will spring
and these eyes record all
flies on the wall
expanding the paranoia
I've never known
Dead bodies everywhere
yet nobody to speak of
mute lips
embrace ashes
of this
Abstraction
SUICIDE
Though I swore
I'd never commit to it
Here we are
My past, my future
This unopened
and discarded
present
Murder, Murder, Murder
REVENGE!
Victim to my own devices
Architect of my own demise
This time; Fear
For the martyr murders
Author notes
This is 2nd in the series "Abstraction", here is the first: http://allpoetry.com/poem/3812357 There will probably be a third, let me know what you think so far. I would really prefer if that the people that do review, please at least read the first as this would make more sense by doing so, and would help you help me revise it!
Thanks.
Comments
-
I found this one to be more detailed and the imagery to be more powerful and vivid, than the first one. Now that maybe entirely my opinion. I also like how you broke up "Suicide" & "Revenge" though I do have some suggestions regarding the presentation of your poem. perhaps just break the first stanza up. I personally think that it will come across even more strongly and will hit the reader even harder.. Another idea is after your last sentence in your last stanza hit the enter button three times, it helps with the presentation also. A good friend of mine told me that. It's been a long time since I've read a dark poem, as I read this, I felt a range of emotions, ones that I thought had vanhished. I am quite interested in reading the third one when you've written it and have posted it. I also found this one to be idk easier to read in a sense, not sure if that will make sense to you or not, sorry if it doesn't.
I'll be back to read more of your poems.



Kat




