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When I love you, Pandora.

Space
time
  vanish.

    When I love
    you.

Pandora's
  shell
  creaks
  like old
  wooden
  steps

  in an old
  haunted
  house,

    and you
  just let
    the ghosts
  out.

  when I love
  you,
  Pandora.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • BellaAmare
    October 30, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I don't like poems on spiritism. I forgot to put it in the rules.


  • raw love
    October 27, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    smiles. I like it.

    I like to hear your words again too.


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    October 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Space
    time
      vanish.

        When I love
        you.

     

     

    - visually, the punctuation is throwing off the rhythm for the reader. I stumble reading this aloud. I don't even think you need the periods there.