Once upon a nightmare
I was skinny
Scary skinny
Or so they said
I could never see it
Even while the ribs protruded
Curled up to ease the pangs
I hid from the world
Wanting to be dead
I fucked my life up
But I have no regrets
Only I let it end
I’ve lost my power
I’ve lost my control
I can’t force myself
To starve anymore
Yet I still hate every
Fiber of my being
They told me eating
Would make everything better
I ate the food forced
Down my throat
Now I’m out of control
Fat and hopeless
Just as lost as ever
A contest entry
- I Want EMOTION by fashionfreak.
470 points, ended December 6, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
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Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i love your poem
its just like me
though i have yet to be skinny
i have one question if you dont mind my asking
when you were skinny did you feel different from when you were heavy???
-rose -
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good question....yes and no....i definitely a lot more depressed. i didn't laugh. it was hard to smile. and i never felt skinny because there's always more to lose but every time a friend tried to force food down my throat and i resisted, i had power and control over my life and i hated myself a little less.....i was stronger than food and desire and i loved that about myself...
now i'm just spiraling out of control....i've gained weight after being forced but i still eat strangely and sporadically...i've started cutting myself and purging and sometimes i just want to end it all....
maybe if i could lose 30 pounds...i would be lighter than i ever was...clinicallly dangerously underweight then i could feel i was achieving something and could stop hurting myself in other ways
wow i don't know how just a response to that simple question turned into this venting but its nice to talk to someone who understands....i'm like you i put on a happy face and i've recently moved so no one here knows about my past or has any clue so i just smile for them
anyways this is getting way too long....i don't even know if i answered your question but basicallly i'm just a effed up person anyway you look at it -
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yeah i was kinda in the same thing though i wasnt underweight i lost some weight and than i gained it back because i got sad for some reason. and now im overwight and even more sad. i dont ming you venting, everyone needs someone for tht. yeah we r alike, lol u did answer my question very well actually if you ever need to vent you can talk to me, i rlly dont mind.
but to tell you the truth were all f'd up ppl if you look at it.
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OMFG!!!!
i swear we are twins when it comes to this battle!
thats how i was as well,
i was so skinny[so they said]
and looked more so ok then now,
but then once treatment started and food was being swollard.
it fukked everything up,
i cant find as much control as before,
i try and try but its like i pissed off my "ed"
&& now to be a dick he wont come back and help me.
idk but this was amazing dollie
love mucho;
-vanna -
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aww i read your poetry and we are twins!! i don't know what to do...i just want it back but i don't know what do.
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Wow this is very good. I like it a lot. Keep writing
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wow this is a wonderful write. great talent you have! This touches a deep issue. I can relate.
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