the day smelled like clean laundry
and cardboard
and i smiled
because you laid next to me
with an etch-a-sketch writing love notes
in shapes of an old house
that teetered on sticks of faith
next to an old bus
that would break down forty two times
on any trip
to anywhere
that we will take at anytime
and
a tree that drooped a bit to the left
like a puppy asking politely for a scratch behind the ear
and
a flower bed with daisies
half the size of the house
that you said would dance at the slightest sigh of god
and you said we should always make god sigh
because the wind is refreshing
it is far from here
it is where you can fly
and love and sing until your voice rips
it is free
it is home
and you wrote these notes
as i laughed in bed
and you labeled them
"ours"
Author notes
etch-a-sketch a fiance and dreams all wrapped up in a hospital bed.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etch_A_Sketch
A contest entry
- brief snippets of hope by Emmyb.
700 points, ended November 1, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any questions?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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welll uhhhhh
"the day smelled like clean laundry
and cardboard
and i smiled
because you laid next to me
with an etch-a-sketch writing love notes
in shapes of an old house
that teetered on sticks of faith
next to an old bus
that would break down forty two times"
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I screamed when I first read this...beautiful!! I don't think there was a single thing wrong with this...brilliant!!!
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i feel sorry that this didnt win anything but it was a co-hosting project.
you know your work and words always inspire me. i hope you can take that away at least and be happy
your last few lines totally filled me within and i loved seeing this side of your poetry.
cant wait for further entries from you
Love, Emma
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i'm glad that i could write how i feel most the time. I'm an eternal optimist, but you'd never know that from my poetry. LOL.
it was read. and understood. I couldn't ask for more. Thank you. XO
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interesting response to the prompt, kiddo...
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what's up with all the "kiddo"s as of late? LOL!
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I would say it is your perky spirit...! Infectious, contageous...
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so infectious i am.... made me cynically grin... i think it's a cynical grin, anyhow.
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hey... lol yes, I see your cynical grin...
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I just wrote a poem about an etch-a-sketch, you did it better. Very well done
this is a perfect love poem. sighs.
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good one kiddo. i will comment properly when judging, but i love seeing this side of you. very refreshing.
did i call you kiddo? thats funny.
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indeed you did. LOL! and I think I have a few years on you. I've been called worse! xo
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