Dingoes of derision
circle self-doubt’s
weeping wounds;
Not-the-Brightest-
Bulb-in-the-Box
springs first,
his one talon of truth
slashing unprotected underbelly.
Buckling in anguish,
soul cry swells,
“O God, Who didst make me!
I am least of all Thy children!
Where is place for me
when all is done?
I behold blaze of day,
beaming moon, brilliant stars!
But I...so nearly nothing..."
And Love answered,
“A preferred place;”
gently enthrones my tiny glow
as cherished nightlight
of comfort in His house.
Author notes
*POM Contest*
Theme: God's loving creativity can provide a setting wherein each may shine and be valued, however great or limited our gifts and abilities.
gloaming: twilight, dusk
dingo: wolflike wild dog, scavenges and hunts larger prey in packs, taking turns attacking and resting
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM - by Bear by Arkbear.
2000 points, ended November 1, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Amazingly touching to all
This is beautiful. It touched me actually. And when you spoke of it on Sunday, it touched everyone else. Everyone can relate to this. Every once in awhile we all feel like we're the little 5 watt bulb amungst the shining stars, but therein lies the beauty if God's plan. Everyone has a place and every one of them is choice and special. Thank you for writing this. I'm sure when I show it to my mom, she'll really appreciate it.
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This was a great joy to read,
and flow was smooth, and I like the
each lines as it gravitated to the end,
the stanza's the way they are presented
are just perfect .
and the imagery given to me of splashes
Of color,was just a lovely write, well done
Poet , good luck in the contest
Love and blessings
Rend
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an interesting poem!
I like some of the images and mets that you use.
but I don't like the one big stanza, as it makes it hard to read.
Is it necessary? sometimes.
but that's for you to evaluate.
You pen a wonderful truth here.
A common theme, but wonderful nonetheless.
Good luck in the contest. My rubric comes later
Zach Estel.
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I don't like the word Dingo. I know that they do have this behavior which fits, but it's suddenly tossing my mind to Australia and I'm trying to pull it back to the idea of light of religiosity. It took me a moment to appreciate how complex the poem was: not the brightest bulb in the box, the sun, the moon, the stars, and the nightlight. All of the different ideas of light and how they are applied and named is beautiful, intricately crafted. But I think it could be more enjoyable while still maintaining its complexity if you eased off the religious language. The third and fourth stanzas particularly get bogged down in heavy language--"didst," for example. I think you could "lighten" it successfully (sorry, I had to) and have it be more effective. Not ridiculously: I mean, I think the last two stanzas work. But just a little. Okay, this comment rambled. Sorry. But I like it! And you
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Ap is giving us all problems on posting reviews....grrrr -
....can't get it to stick -
Hello
Well, you definately made me think when reading this write....I had to read it four times and then it was clear -
I believe some of your word choices made the Flow a tad choppy.....but I think the best thing I can do is to get this on my scoreboard and go from there -
I felt as though you tried a tad too hard here.....this Theme should not seem so difficult to grasp....maybe it's a ME thing this Month.....that's why we have 5 Judges on each POM Contest
Good luck!
Bear -
Title 8.95....seems a tad forced to convince me of something.......not as Creative as I believe it could have been -
Flow 8.8...Flow was quite choppy for me.....I believe word choices can make a or break good Flow....and ( !'s ) do not bring any more attention to detail for me.....word choice is the way to get your point across without screaming in Text -
Depth 9.75.. ...definately deep....maybe a tad too deep....but I can't dock you for trying too hard....can I? ....not this time -
Theme 5.95..I have seen this Theme a few times -
Feelings 9.0....it was nice to see you get involved in your write and let me see you in it -
Grammar 9.2....pretty straight-forward choices -
Presentation 9.6...you broke up your thoughts into smaller and larger S's (S's = Stanzas )....and that helps the Flow....IMO.....just a tad choppy.....for me -
Uncommonness...6.85..Theme has been done a few times very similiar...-
Sit & Ponder Affect 7.90...I did not ponder...had to read it too many times to...*get* ...sorry
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Ability to follow Rules 10.0...nice job -
Bears Score: 86
Please keep joining us....I have seen your work too many times to know you have what it takes to win here.....God bless
No editing until after contest closes please -
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Love the title. The most unusual so far and drew me right in.
Title...................10
Flow................9
Depth................9
Theme..............8
Feelings...........8
Grammar.............8
Presentation........8
Uncommoness.......7
Sit and Ponder.......7
Follows Rules......10
Your total: 84 -
This is a beautiful write hun, I loved the verbiage and the flow. The phrasing was excellent and overall this is a keeper. What is not a keeper is the scoring, and I am at a loss to understand that ridiculously low number. Hugs, Bunny
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Hmmm... reading it for the third time.
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Title: 10, would draw me in to read
Flow: 8
Theme: 7
Feelings: 8
Grammar: 7
Presentation: 8
Uncommoness: 7
Sit and Ponder: 7
Depth: 8
Follow Instructions: 10
Total Points: 80
Michael
No editing once a Judge has touched your work - -
I liked ...
the deep-rooted philosophy and the way you so carefully unearthed the light and put to rest the ego. You have used some much-thought-out phrases that were not cliche and so all made for a most thought-full poem. jy
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This is just beautiful! I love the theme and how you have developed it.
"gently enthrones my tiny glow
as cherished nightlight
in His house."
Just excellent!
Kris
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