Old Lavender

I’ve slowly opened a book
And a lavender toned rose
Fell at the floor.

Somewhere in time,
My life was brilliant
And the dreams I dreamt wide awake were sweet,
Under a lavender tone.

I remember
When my smile reflected sincere happiness,
And while I look outside
- To what I can’t even see,
Because tears are blinding me -
I know I can’t smile anymore.

I lie everyday
When people get to ask me
“Sweetheart, how are you doing today?”
And then I fake a smile
Feeling that even if I actually wanted to smile,
I wouldn’t be able to.

Sadness came to me as an
Unexpected wave,
Drowning each and every single part of me
And I haven’t even struggled against it.
I just let my body go down, sinking,
Drowning endlessly
In a frozen sea
Knowing I wouldn’t emerge anymore.

And then,
The vivid scent of the gentle lavender toned rose
That I was given by him
So long ago.
I could see his hand
Reaching mine, holding the rose.
Feeling his perfume so clearly,
Brand new tears
Slide in my face,
While the pain gets
More painful than before…

Somewhere in time,
My life was sweet lavender.
Now,
Everything I’ve got is an ancient memory
And all I can see is old,
Old lavender.