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Pack

They come together one at a time under
a daylight moon stretch grunt make small
noises turn round and round until all
heads face into the wind and the leader
leads them off sets a durable unanimous
pace and they run grinning run listening
for other sounds crunch of snow creak
of high timber in the cold and the shared
heat of their convention excites the temper

even as they shift positions even as they
thin to ones and twos to corner to pass
through and around the narrow places.
At busy intersections they run without
moving pant to a steady driving heartbeat
that is older than the ground the maples
spreading overhead the fire station the
supermarket cigar store donut shop where
fresh coffee waits and there are bathrooms.

 

 

Author notes

If our working vocabulary continues to shrink, perhaps
communications within our species will be reduced to noises
and gestures and our only ideas will relate to survival.
Instead of writing and reading poetry we will howl.

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • It is interesting to come back to this after some time away. I think the pack seemed more like animals for longer in the poem during this last read... and except for the single word "intersections" it might have remained so right down to the firestation and other "developments." Even knowing the ending, I was totally caught up in the more animalistic characteristics of this pack. The double talk throughout, from the daylight moon to the grunts and excited tempers, is done with meticulous perfection. I respect that tremendously.

    I love that word "unanimous"...for that IS the pack mentality... it is such an exquisitely ironic word choice because, nothing indeed has been voted upon, no opinions voiced, no decision necessarily made in a concrete, recordable way... It just is.. it just happens. Guy out front probably has some expections for himself... some leader-of-the-pack pressures, certainly, but nothing has been voiced. The "followers" certainly are active in thought as well, but their responses to cues and other stimuli are gutteral, physical, and in many parts, reflexive. The body language, in the trusest sense of the word comes through here so well. (And it is harmless to observe here in a sports venue, but as a side note, I couldnt help think of gang mentality and how it can work against its members and the group as a whole in certain circumstances.)

    The pounding rhythym of this, raw and uninterrupted by traditional grammatical convention, was a great choice for structure. It beat me in a couple of spots (my way of reading, I'm sure) but, the feeling is so absolutely primal... only the necessities are written. Certain languages of the world do not use punctuation... unimaginable for a grammar freak like me, but the native readers know innately the nuances, breaks, etc...and in fact they become less important. We punctuate vocally with our tones, pauses, and our bodies. And so it is done here. Masterful, I think.

    Speaking of primal, I love that the only conscious thoughts you put in the poem were about primal urges... relieving onself, and eating. I love the precision and polish here, too. This poem seems to run this idea of the non-verbal being so intensely powerful right through to the finish line.

    Bravo


  • rollingzen
    November 2

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    the transition from the forrest to the city is so subtle...powerful... like suddenly realizing the face in a mirror is your own!

  • bballer21
    November 2

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    i loved this. especially the ending. great job. and i also appreciate the fact that you have been continuing to write since you were a teen! keep up the good work!


  • Rose Angel gold member
    November 1

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    Sigh...the read of this penning had me breathless....had the feel of a pack of wolves till halfway and the human side evolved ......Such a clever penning! Your author's notes I pray will not be true...Bravo for this write!

  • Feathered Motion
    October 29

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    hey thom - you don't mindmy calling you thom do you thomas lol - thank you for those tweed jacket words - you made me laugh so much i wet myself with pure pride. a good poem, that - makes people think you are great at writing when you are not.

  • MeggM
    October 28

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    Very interesting. I differ from the others in that I don't see someone running or jogging perse but more the rat race of living in a city, running in packs yet on our own. Might be one of my favourites yet and I think I've read it all!


  • Allyce May gold member
    October 26

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    I agree that the complete disregard for punctuation created a rhythm similar to that of running and, as such, was especially effective given the content of the poem. I am a grammar Nazi though, so I had to cringe just a little when it blurred so recklessly together, despite the need to do so

    lollll, I always love your endings - they stop me in my tracks without fail, also perfectly fitting for this poem!

    Bang bang


  • just mercedes gold member
    October 26
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    great rhythm here, and the 'pack' symbol has layers of meaning


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    October 26

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    Reading this left me breathless ... phew ... you sure like to move at an exciting pace!

    Realistic writing full of raw energy. Remind me to say "No", should you ever ask me to join you in a healthy run

    Sue
    x


  • JinSays gold member
    October 26

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    out of breath....need to catch my breath.....whew..
    I think I got my workout today, at least, I feel like I have.
    love this, the pace is exciting and fun to read, and I just cant wait to get to the bathroom. Hopefully there wont be a line.
    love,
    jin

  • Rowan gold member
    October 26

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    I love how you took something as normal as running and made the reader feel breathless by the end. Excellent Thomas. *pant, pant*...


  • Nicolette gold member
    October 26

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    perfect title for this poem for it moves at such a fast pace. the structure of this poem worked well for me. one can ask where are we all running too...yeah. good work here

    ~ Nicolette


  • cricketjeff gold member
    October 26

    Edit | Reply
    And they leave you with the desperate urge to shout "Get the bus!!!"



    Great stuff

    Jeff

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