At 42

Tried to connect to another soul
maybe I don't know how
to let down this guard
repulsing pain through eyes this hard

Finding it rather tiresome
putting it all out there
pulling back all battered and stung
wondering how you could possibly care?

Here I am,
a man at 42
feeling so black and blue
setting out with nothing to prove

Attending marriages, so white and faked
waiting for the ceremonies to end
so they will cut the cake
counting down the minutes until the heart break

At a family viewing
being watched out of the corner of my eyes
accusations silently take wing and fly
ignoring the sarcastic rhetoric spewing

Amazed as feelings are unveiled at last
brother in denial
sisters just waiting for a rebuttal
and I was never even asked

Put myself in the background
so you could move on ahead
don't talk about personal sacrifice
this blood has been replaced by lead