For the present, the past
is my future, as I stumble
through the word, numbed
by drugs for PTSD and anxiety.
I can't face the past - the calling
I had to serve God, to be a nun,
a missionary - a dream that burnt
to ashes and dust...
I cannot live life without my meds,
for the panic always comes back:
entrapped! entrapped!...oh, snap!
Where's the magic pill, the fairy dust
To cure away my ill?
Going on five years now since I left
that world and tried to go on with
my life, but as much as I deny it,
That part of me back there never died.
My one hope is that God has plans for
me, He says - plans of prosperity and hope,
a future...but whilst I wait in limbo,
What am I called to and who am I?
I've no personal identity.
My hopes are like oasis mirages
in this seemingly endless desert.
With plans as real as dreams of El Dorado,
I traverse the sands on a horse with no name,
the scenery, the feeling - all the same:
under the sizzling heat with no retreat...
Oh Moses! Did you ever feel this way,
as you trekked for 40 nights and days
through burning sands and stinging pains?
What I had was taken from me,
Though I gave everything I could,
it wasn't enough apparently.
If ever I was somebody to begin with,
that person is lost - my name is nobody.
A contest entry
- FEAR by Walking Oxymoron.
700 points, ended November 24, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - When Life is Death by CareBearKilla.
400 points, ended October 30, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
When will my life move on?
Comments
-
though we all play different parts in the world, we are all SOMEBODY.
Great job.
Good Luck! -
Time and patience are our best friends.
We have the time and patience is something given by God. One can't rush life, time only goes so fast. Do little kind thing so as to keep busy. With in time one will see where one fits in. You can't force a puzzle into a place where it doesn't belong. God hasn't forgot you in no way. He want you to be ready for the great plans He had in mind for you all along. God Bless little one...mac
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we all do
perhaps we should share this with everyone
to know we are all the same,
sadly we don't
I suppose there are different degrees
some just walk around it and stuff it away,
the ones like yourself push it away
certainly there is reason for everything
to acknowledge the feeling and walk through it
we hold onto the past and all the labels we attach to ourselves,
what would happen if we we removed them, the labels and the worries of the past, anxiety of future and stay put, since the present is all that is
I love this not only because it written very beautifully and sincerely
but because it is a universal poem that all could relate to
God bless you my friend...
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