My own Hell

My head starts to spin again
I feel all over again
The nightmares and the visions
I can hear her in my heart
"I'll kill you if you repeat your words"
Confused and worn out she was
Yet I was the only one to blame
She was always right
That's the way she was perceived
Mommy the monster
All because I was shamed
He would come in at night and play some games
Drawn out into the night he played
Taking all that could make me sane
Torn, violated, and humiliated I laid
Confusion seeped through my pores
I asked her for aid with my wounds
All I was bestowed was bandages
Never did my cuts heal
For I began to create my own
Restricting my food
Carving the yuck out of my veins
I Injusted feel good medicine called cocaine
Addiction became my friend
Mommy was my foe
She didnt believe
She didnt believe
So began my tormentation
Becoming my worst enemy
Night by night
Day by day
I played my game
Starve,slit,snort cocaine
My way to keep from killing someday