.
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I'd gotten myself in a brush with the law,
so opted instead for "the sea,"
I packed a few clothes and a new can o' chaw,
then made for the Robert E. Lee.
Pretending to work on the boilers' great flue,
in depths of the engineroom's maze,
I sauntered aboard with an overhaul crew,
then split for the rich cargo bays.
Just past the port galley companionway stair,
a hatch lifted up from the floor,
with nothing to lose and no seconds to spare
I jumped through a free swinging door.
No sooner I'd hid than a passel of men,
accomp'nied with puffs of white steam,
ascended from deep in the engine's dark den,
removing a thousand pound beam.
They laid it down gently smack dab on the deck,
and shoved it right tight to my door,
then back through the guts of their dismantled drek,
they struggled to bring up some more.
They stacked the stuff neatly, each odd-looking shape:
reducers, pumps, piping and rods,
their barricade blocking my only escape
defying statistical odds.
A match from my pocket I struck on a flat,
to see where my travels had led,
just buckets of this and some boxes of that,
in a room half the size of a bed.
There was a small basin, two faucets that drip,
a riddled old drain full of leaks,
a heck of a prison to spend the whole trip,
I'd prob'ly be dead in two weeks!
That evening I felt a great shudder and thud,
and heard the big paddle wheels swish.
The Robert E. Lee, just a foot off the mud
was pushing upstream through the fish.
She eased from her berth t'ward a spot in the dark
that only old Rivermen know,
all passengers charmed by this sumptuous ark,
except for "yours truly" below.
I stepped on a broom, got a crack in the face,
that handle no doubt made of oak,
then later some fitting fell off of its place,
the pain nearly brought on a stroke!
A bundle of rags was providing a bed
laid out on the flooring's hard planks.
Attempting to nurse the big bump on my head
I shouted ____ ___ _______ ___(just fill in the blanks!)
Now quite a bit later, day four or day five,
I heard the great engine slow down,
It must be St. Louis, "I think I'll survive
when all of this junk's hauled to town!!!"
The din and the clamor of people debarking,
the noise of the bunkers restored,
gave hope to my stomach now fond of remarking,
how I must be out of my gourd.
My stomach is nearly as bright as my brain,
it's something to do with this room.
I'm prob'ly two notches away from insane,
well, so say the mop and the broom.
We once again launch in the Big Muddy's grip,
the piping still blocking my door,
another few days of this unending trip,
I'm cranky, demonic and sore.
When next we are moored and the pipe's hauled away,
along with the thousand pound beam,
I spring from that closet but limbs are like clay,
a mumble is all I can scream.
Then one of the crewmen by chance turns around
some hideous human he sees...
he shrieks in surprise and his mates stare me down
they think that I'm fraught with disease.
They flee from the passage, then sound the alarm
a panic then shortly ensues,
my lips try to utter, "I bring you no harm!"
but still they're scared out of their shoes!
My hair is on end in a sinister way,
my pupils like ebony dimes,
my whiskers are needles, two inches and gray,
I reek like the bilges' dank slimes.
I'm sullied, hunched over, discolored and stained,
my clothing is ripped and askew.
My forehead's still bleeding from where I got brained,
one eye is swelled shut, black and blue.
The crowd has stampeded away from the ship,
a few that got trampled are hurt,
some men with their holsters slung over their hip
have fourty-fours aimed at my shirt.
The sheriff rides up in a great cloud of dust,
his warrant is signed by the judge,
he grabs at my collar in fits of disgust
it seems that he's holding a grudge.
For all of my effort to run from the law,
I'm back where the story began;
the sheriff is having a hearty guffaw,
since karma's much worse than the "can."
.
.
A contest entry
- BWOM~~Best Write Of The Month~~#7 by islekine.
1050 points, ended November 1, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think and why did you think it?
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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An epic for certain. Reminds me of some people I know.
Fred (Drybones)
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Hi Fred,
Is there any single Christian word that encapsulates what karma implies? When you read the word, do you consider it a "heathen" term, or does it have a place in Christian dialog? Just curious what your thoughts are on this.
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good story...well done...
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Thanks rz
re: good story...well done... "
Thank you!
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This is incredible. I myself am relatively new to working within the walls of rhyme and meter, and so admire your seeming great ease in managing both beautifully. The story is very interesting, also. I agree that this deserves to be considered one of the best poems of the month. I hope you do keep it up. Great job!
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Absolutely wonderful stuff ! ... A breath of fresh air. I was beginning to think that the art of really clever rhyme was dead on this site. I wouldn't dare to put my good self in the same league sir, but I do at least use a similar rhyme scheme most of the time.
This piece is hilarious !
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You're too kind,
but thank you for the encouraging words!
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Ah... haha
This is soooooo going into the file marked "when a good old-fashioned belly laugh is needed"
Thank you, now I gotta go change...lol
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I loved this!
I agree with "aboomer" I usually have a short attention span...but this was hilarious and kept my interest through out...Best wishes in the contest and always! Hope to see you again!
and
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Thank you for hosting the contest
as well as for the silver consideration and points. It was fun.
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Loved the story in this! Usually I have a hard time getting through a long poem - but the great flow, and the story, kept me interested clear to the end. I much enjoyed this.
well done
thank you for your entry
best wishes in the contest
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Thank you for the high marks
points, etc.
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I wasn't sure how I felt about this until about the fourth stanza or so, before I knew it a smile was niggling and twitching in the corners of my lips. By the end I admit I was heartily chuckling inside.
My favorite parts:
My stomach is nearly as bright as my brain,
it's something to do with this room.
I'm prob'ly two notches away from insane,
well, so say the mop and the broom.
And:
Then one of the crewmen by chance turns around
some hideous human he sees...
he shrieks in surprise and his mates stare me down
they think that I'm fraught with disease.
They flee from the passage, then sound the alarm
a panic then shortly ensues,
my lips try to utter, "I bring you no harm!"
but still they're scared out of their shoes!
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Great stuff Jim!
Your placement of words with precarious tact
mixed with story compels me to read
My honesty herds a nefarious fact
that I read this without any weed!
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Great poem.the end was very fitting and appropriate.
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Nice job. I find many long poem have me hoping for the end. This one did not. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Great story. Very well done.
Mike
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"For all of my effort to run from the law,
I'm back where the story began;
the sheriff is having a hearty guffaw,
since karma's much worse than the "can."
That waas my favorite part! i loved the way you built this poem it just flows and it was very funny too! -
excellent!
I am never suprised at the quality of your work. I don't come to this site often anymore, and I don't often comment but I read your poems and share them with others- My 12 year old son will stand and listen intently. Just wanted to let you know that I always enjoy reading your poetry, which to my ears, is perfect.
:-) qt
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WOW, talk about long time no see! Glad you stepped in and found this and that it was likable for the young as well! I had tried to leave the site completely (time constraints, etc.) but there is a magnetic pull to this place that is hard to overcome! Thank you for the kind words.
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You are just a genuine pleasure to read. I could see it all and read the whole story with a smirk being seduced into a grin on que. I loved filling in those blanks too.
More magic Jim.
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Thank you, your kindness is much appreciated.
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Wonderful! A cautionary tale in beautiful rhyme, that pulls the reader along. How DO you come up with these?
Write On!
jIM
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There are so many words
in the dictionary, on maps, in the telephone book, etc. as to almost be infinite... let's call the number "n". There must be, therefore, about n-to-the-100th-power combinations of stories to tell from that supply of words. At least a half dozen of those can be made to rhyme. My job is to find them and put them to paper.
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Not too incredible, but almost.
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What's incredible...
...is that I managed to stick it out for 25 verses!
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Fun piece!! Your ability to tell a story in unforced rhyme with perfect meter always astounds me.
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Thanks Top,
Suddenly there's a bit of free time to devote to whimsy again. For a while I didn't have a clue how to parse my time out to all the people, places and projects that were impinging on it.
My best to you and yours.
~8)~
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Yeah it's not bad.
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Utterly superb, a veritable Jim from the top drawer of Jims. Brilliant rhyme stunning meter and a story to make a morose corpse grin.
All round this features in the "not bad section" of AP
Great stuff
Jeff
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Some day
I'm hoping to graduate from the esteemed "Not Bad" level of writing up into the really rarified ranks of "Not too terrible." Perhaps studying the masters will help.
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Not sure even Bill S or Ogden Nash got that high
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Entertaining!
I so enjoyed your poetic tale that was written in my favorite form and style. It is always a pleasure to find your postings that are fun to read. joy
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Thank you Joy!
It's always fun to write them when there's time and inspiration!
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I apologize for not including this excellent poem in my contest. This was incredible. However, I must set an example. I'd rather be the door than the doormat. So goes the way of the disciplinarian. Too bad you were too late; this truly might have had a chance.
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No prob. I just wanted you to know that I wasn't trying to stiff you, it was just an overly long project!
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