Dreaming with my Eyes Open

I live a tortured existence
when it comes to you.

Despite my better judgment,
despite my knowing it's wrong,
despite my knowledge of the truth,
I still find myself crawling back to you.

What is it about you that keeps me
returning to your side?

It certainly isn't your looks or your smell.
I don't believe it's your slow humor.
Your laugh is brash, and your smile is yellow.

I don't understand it.



Actually, yes I do.

It's the dream that I live
and believe, in spite of the truth
that someday you'll realize
how I feel about you
and how it can never be as strong
with anyone else.

How, in spite of all your flaws,
personal and physical,
I still think the sun shines out your ass.

It was a mistake to allow what happened last year
to effect me so.
It was also a mistake for it to happen.
I know it's best to just let it go,
and I know that I should let you go,
but I can't help it.

I see you every day.
Every time I do,
I dream again.


With my eyes open.




Of what could, and will never, be.






Though it hurts,
though it kills,
though the pain is more than I can endure,
I put myself through it.
I fall asleep day after day
dreaming that you see me
the way that I see you.


Stupid, deceptive heart.
It truly ruins my life.
It's blocking out my head,
destroying my reason,
and forcing me to see you
through a veil of dreams and past.

That's not the real you.




The real you will never hold me like that again.
The real you will never look at me the same way.
The real you will never make me feel like you like me.
Too bad the old you made me fall in love.




Now, when I see the real you,
I imagine the old you,
and fall in love all over again.




Can you please pinch me?
Wake me from this dream?

No, don't.
Cuz if you do,
I'll remember you as you were,
and the dream will continue.





Besides,
I don't think I want to wake up just yet.