I'm yelling at the t.v again,
"just tell her you love her"
as if my words could flip
the script.
"You fool" I whisper,
long after the screen
went black,
no response, except for
the hiss of the radiator,
my flushed cheeks
catch the steam
from the heat
of my eyes
the inner monologue
of my mind runs
rampant and I wonder
who wrote the ending
to my romantic comedy,
though it seems too
dark to find humor
in.
Human connectivity is
far too complex to
break down in simple
scenes,
the things you whispered
late at night, were far better
than my favorite lines
in any movie I've ever
seen.
A contest entry
- run. by sideways hourglass.
575 points, ended October 25, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Junk Poetry. by girl shaman.
5500 points, ended November 16, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I plan to revise, please leave constructive comments
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
this was very different and i liked it a lot!
very well done with the ending as well i was impressed
thank you for entering!
-
When it is real, it is so much better than any dream. Yet because of the risk involved there are those who keep themselves small and yell at the boob tube in lieu of yelling at themselves. There is a certain sardonic humor here as well as ache of truth in the last verse. Very nicely done.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
-
Good words tell too much
This is such a good subject that I fear you may have just handed it to us. Maybe you could describe more and let us get it from that-let us hear the inner monologue, the whispered words, your favorite movie lines and let us hear that they were not as good as the whisperings.
Love the last stanza-real is better than reel.
Tecohe
-
great poem
-
love this!
-
this is awesome hun I had to laugh you penned this so well i think we have all wanted to yell at times.. A great emotion piece.. thank you for sharing you awesome pen and mind with us ..hugs always Angel♥
-
I think we've all felt like this at some point- this is a really lovely poem that really captures true emotion well. It is beautifully written and has a quaint simplicity that suits the theme really well. Well done and keep it up!!
-
This is great! Congratulations on your HM for it and keep up the wonderful work here. Thanks a lot for sharing it!
Jeremy0826 -
I like this one a lot! It was short, cute, and straight to the point. Congrats on the contest, well done! It reminded me of the movie nights I used to have with my ex and friends, good memories. I think I liked the ending the best: the things you whispered
late at night, were far better
than my favorite lines
in any movie I've ever
seen.
-
great work
this was a good read! last two stanzas were especially captivating. good use of inner dialog.
-
I don't have any decent criticism. I didn't particularly like the opening with the quotes - the content of them was alright, but as the poem progressed, it got better. You had some good ideas here...thanks for entering.
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
