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Blooming a Path to Grow

A baby tree soon to mature
The choice of blooming flowers
or growing leaflets

Branches jutting wildly
Yearning for height
Tangled into a weave

With a gardener's power
To adjust flexible twigs
Hoping to grow upright

Feeding with nutrition
Showering with care
Parenting the youth

The path of the tree
Now left off by time

Author notes

Instead of doing an English assignment, I got hugely distracted and begun thinking of how life is like.

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Comments


  • saiiki
    October 25

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    HI! I just signed up :3 Thanks for showing me this site ;D
    As for my critiquee~ I really like the last two lines, it has a lot of impact!

    i would consider revising "absolutely in no direction". if you wanted the "absolutely" after "wildly" to tangle the tongue, that was good, but the "in no direction" is kind of repetitive, since tangles won't have direction. consider putting something stronger/more impacting there?

    "showering with care" is a bit cliche, how about you switch it up? like "Showering with nutrition/Feeding with care". The unusual word choices leaves the reader thinking more instead of just skimming through it. The subject is a plant, so it still makes sense.

    This is just my ideas~ I want to post up my poems soon too! Are you going to try for the newcomer contests? They sound fun. xP