Blinded in his struggle,
I saw him held down to the ground,
It seemed resistance faded,
As if no strength he found.
I moved as if to help him,
But he shouted out to me,
"Don't try to help, I don't need it"
His wounds, he couldn't see.
I cried out toward the sky,
"No, he won't die out here!!"
And as if a living dream I heard,
Sound like thunder drawing near..
"Get away from him! Get off him now!"
The Mighty Warrior roared,
"For this is My child" He said,
And gave the boy His sword.
..And here is where the story,
Doesn't end but does begin,
For here is where this certain soul,
Will find his Strength to win.
Author notes
The poem is the fourth stanza. I just tried to build around it and hoped it works! =/
Edit: This is a revised version, took out a verse and put two more in. Not sure if it's improved it or not.
What did you think
Comments
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Third stanza... Really amazing! I can see why you had to get it down asap. I can see what you mean regarding the other stanzas too. I can't offer any other advice other to play around with the story of the piece in order to make it flow/fit with that wonderful stanza. I feel really bad writing this as it makes the piece sound bad, but it really isn't. It's a good poem, but don't really feel the same passion in the rest of the poem. Hope this comment helps. ;-)
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Edit: I revised the poem. That stanza about the Warrior is still the main focus, and in essence, the poem itself. But what is around it is relevant.
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