The darkened night sits soft upon
the quiet haunches wherein lies death.
A softly spoken sigh escapes
The mouth bequeathed with noiseless sounds.
Hush, shouts the silent voice within,
be still and scream no more;
for you have said far more than words
and these tell tales that cease to speak.
Alas, amid the sounds of life,
of cars and trains and pain,
is heard the one that deafens all,
the booming roar of silence.
©2009
10-25-09
Author notes
Written for the contest: Sound by polly filla
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2464437
A contest entry
- Sound by polly filla.
400 points, ended November 7, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
A critical comment is invited
Comments
-
A beautiful and impressive "dark" write; depth, and an uncanny perception into the raucous noise that is silence. It's true that when we are in great pain (whether physical, emotional, or mental), that silence is far more eloquent than the words we could speak. I'm also impressed by the so-called "archaic" tone of the piece. I'm sure you don't let that bother you, as I've personally noted that the greatest majority of members of AP, being extremely young, and having been educated (and I use that word loosely) in the Illustrous public school system of our country, can barely read on a 5th grave level. I've discovered they have a real aversion to improving their vocabulary, and are well satisfied with their lack of knowledge. Not only THAT, but they condemn and criticize anyone else who attempts to use their knowledge. I digress...back to your beautiful piece; this IS an amazing poem; one that says volumes with an economy of words. Wonderful work, Poet!



-
-
Thank you for this comment. I, too, have noticed what happens when you try to "help" some people. One was actually proud of their vocabulary and the way they wrote. It is sad.
-
-
I think the word "wherein" sounds archaic...as does the word "alas" - so I suppose this fits the prompt (in a way!)
I just think it sounds pretentious; yet, the looming thoughts of death while immersed in life is pretentious, so I'm oddly drawn to this poem
It's certainly full of atmosphere!
Thanks for your entry! -
-
It is my style, for the most part. I write prose in an style that reflects the language of another time. It does spill over into my poetry.
Thank you for commenting.
-



