The night was long a gently breeze cooled the night air. Cacophony noises of the
night could be heard from the bedroom windows of those that rested but what couldn’t be
heard was the soft footsteps of eight legs walking through the night.
“Shh” whispered Lilith whose raven hair blended with the night sky
“Why do we always have to do this at nightfall?” asked the brunette Rachael
Lilith just continued to lead the way; they walked passed a few houses until the street
lights where no longer in view. They slowly come upon the corner of Xandria and Wales.
The girls headed down Xandria. The street was dark with a few lights; crickets could be
heard chirping and the wind blowing a soft but eerie breeze. The girls walked a few more
minutes until they reached an abandoned house.
The house had been on this block since 1942, many families have lived here until about two years ago when a strange woman had moved in. She had a strange sense about her; the children avoided her house especially on Halloween. It was said strange noises could be heard or at least that what the adults would say. “We’re here” Lilith said with excitement the others were not.
“Um, Lil” Sam said she was becoming ambiguous. “Can we rethink this” she offered
“Yeah because I’m so not feeling this” added Jennifer with her green eyes trying to peer
into the darkness. Lilith gave her friends a stern looked and marched right up to the front door and opened it. The others looked at each before entering after her. The interior of the house was dark paint was barely on the wall and it had a horrid smell as if something was decomposing. There were several holes in the floor and along the wall the girls were careful of where they stepped. They inched closer the staircase they all jumped when a rat ran across the floor board. They continued up the staircase and explored the upper level.
One of the rooms looked as if it belongs to a little girl. There was a broken tea set and some tattered dolls. The girls continued until the reach a door at the end of the hall Lilith went to open the door but found that it was locked “Oh well” she muttered and began to turn walk away as she did so the door slowly creaked opened.
Jennifer noticed the door “Alright that’s it, I’m gone” she said starting to descend
downstairs until Rachael grabbed her “I don’t think so” she said her English accent
coming out. Jennifer pouted and stayed. Lilith was the first to peer inside the door which
had another staircase the led toward the attic. She looked at her friends and motioned for
them to follow. Rachael holding Jennifer by the arm followed Lil upstairs followed by
Sam. When they finally reached the attic it was dusty, it seemed a lot of things where
stored up here. The girls began searching through the archaic looking items. Rachael
found some old clothes that seemed to be from the sixties era
“Hey guys” she said placing the shirt to her body “Far out” she smirked and continued
her search. They searched until Sam came upon a chest; she wiped and blew at the dust
until she could see the letters “Hey guys I think I found something” she said aloud
Lilith quickly rushed over toward Sam “Let me see” she said pushing her out the way.
Her eyes lit up as she slowly touched the box “All this years it’s finally mine” she
whispered. Lilith opened the box inside was a book of white leather and crimson writing.
Jennifer came over and looked at the book “That book looks like it was written in blood”
she says her voice a little shaky. “That’s because it is” Lil smirked and slowly stood “This book has been in my family for generations until my great-great-grandmother lost it years ago” she said. Her friends slowly back away “What the hell is going on?” Jennifer asked Lil kept a nice little smirked on her face “Don’t worry her tiny little minds about” she said. She opened the book and read an incantation and a circle of flames appeared around the girls. Sam, Jennifer and Rachael clutched each others hands and looked into the eyes of their friend whose own eyes where now pure white
“Why” Sam asked Lilith said nothing and walked out, down the stairs out and out the main door never looking back; screams filled the air.
Author notes
I'm currently writing a story called Maidens of Gaia: Crimson Flames, so I will post certain pages from the book for you to read and tell me what you think ^_^.
I need your honest opinion
Comments
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very catchy title.
the style itself is a little dialogue-heavy. that is, with the poetic title and mystical theme, i would expect more scenery or a more lyrical approach to explaining the scene. the scene iteslf is very captivating, but the style in which it's delivered is a little distracting...it's too focused on words than events. this isn't making much sense, but i'm trying lol...
also the ending is very, very intriguing. hope to see more soon.
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thanks for the tips ^_^
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