Days dally in desperation,
till the dance degrades
to spastic drowning
in the deluge of delirium,
that terminates deposits
and brings on my withdrawal
from the dwindling dawn.
My time piece shatters,
and rotates the sun,
the springs and gears float
in meaningless separation,
gauging nothing,
telling time,
it's moment has come.
Nights numb and nestle
in neon nostalgia,
navigate my uncharted nirvana,
to the ninth narrow path
of nobilty and knowleadge,
in the seconds between
noon and nightmares,
where time passes strangely.
A contest entry
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1000 points, ended November 23, 1094 entries
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Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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A Metaphoric wonderland! Your mind is fascinating!!!
And I didn't think the way the time passed was strange at all...but then again, I live there...lol
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I know I have read this before, but I am not sure if I commented or not. This has a Stephen King like feel to it for me. I love it, Liam. Great write as always my dear friend. ~gypsy~
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Whoa!
When I saw your shameless I knew it was you & just had to confirm.
Another amazing write Liam. 
Love 
the alliteration you use, all the fantastic imagery & grand allusions in this piece. You manage to bring marv sentiments and 'Clock Work Orange'
type metaphor to the fore.
Thanks 
for the entertainment, which is never lacking from your penning. 
BTW....I could take a lesson from your ingenious advertising skills... you are not only a gifted writer, but you're a great salesman & I'm amazed at the number of reads you get consistently. 
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Begs to be read aloud
I love the alliteration, the echolalia, the crescendo decrescendo of this piece. A lingual aural delight. Lost in the symbolism as if in a dream. Genius friend, genius.
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to the ninth narrow path
of nobilty and knowleadge,
in the seconds between
noon and nightmares,
where time passes strangely.
alliteration is on the spot. this is just wonderful.
I feel like Im stepping into the twilght zone here,
wonderful.
love always,
jin
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descriptive d, n, and s words that flow
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Interesting
I enjoyed your style of writing this piece. I li stanzaisked each stanza. Usually Ifind one stanza or phrase that I like better than the last,but this piece each line of every stanza is interesting and masterful
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So abstract and drastic... a beautiful tihng... what more can I say?
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you are brilliant in pen I love these lines
Nights numb and nestle
in neon nostalgia,
navigate my uncharted nirvana,
to the ninth narrow pathfor you have taken the realm into reality
and slipped off into an abyss of your own on this one
well done for the spice i s in the nightmares
cast in the noons neon flower
hugs always hun Angel♥♥
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I love this! Thank you so much for sharing it with me.
You are definitely the master of alliteration. Most people can't keep it up for more that 2 words without sounding awkward, but it appears to be your forte. This is very well-penned, with lots of emotion and honesty, especially in this line:
...in the seconds between
noon and nightmares,
where time passes strangley (should be strangely).I don't know why I like that bit so much, but there's something about it that jumped out at me. Well done, and thanks again for the priviledge of reading this most-beautiful piece.
L.
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Congrats on creating this wonderful poem. I have to say that this vision of time is mind blasting. "Seconds between noon and nightmares" or " springs and gears float in meaningless separation", strong images and a great vision.
I love it!
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I LOVED THIS
Ok, so the entire poem, I was getting this feeling of being caught in between one moment and another, and the effect of the title was great...Time Passes Strangely...
Like waking up, but not quite being awake or at your dream...Reminds me very much of a poem I wrote called Distant Times...Not sure if I have it posted on here or not...
The imagery and alliteration are amazing...I've never seen it done so well..The first stanza seems so sad, so depressing..spastic drowning in the deluge of delirium...Not something I'd like to experience...
My time piece shatters..It's like, everything stops, you are frozen...But not you...The world is moving around you..You are the eternal observer...It is there for you to see and to feel. Telling time it's moment has come...amazing..
The ninth narrow path of nobility and knowledge...What is that? Your ninth live? Like a cat? Could it be, the speaker is having nightmares, and is telling time it's moment has come, that it has used up it's nine lives, in the seconds between noon and nightmares? Perhaps, the speaker is taking a stance..Saying, enough is enough...
All in all, this was absolutely amazing...Definitely in the top 3 favorite I've read from you...I am so impressed Liam...And that's hard to do..
BLESSINGS,
BRANDON
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WONDERFUL
time is but a fleeting thing and simply waits on nothing...seconds ticking between the dawn and dusk as the nightmares of this time rush in to consume leaving the traveler lost somewhere in between...i do love your mind my brother
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...
IDK what to say... I like how you used a lot of very descriptive words. this is a good poem... Love it!
Always,
Karlie -
Wow..profound alliteration, dear friend. Your imagery sets the mood of the life of living between "neon nostalgia, time pieces shattering, gauging nothing'"
A very expressive write from life as you know it where you live and how you live it...Terrific penning again!
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What a wonderful study in alliteration. This is a special poem because you actually regulated the speed that the reader reads each verse. Well done!
love,
Amera
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So continue the days in an unending grey. The clouds form an unbreakable wall, the rim of darkness approaches, we wonder, once again if we will ever see the dawn again, and wonder again if we truly care.
When the days(daze) continues its merciless march unending-what matter is there to time anymore? When we no longer have the will nor the need to tear the day to shreds, time truly reveals itself to be the fraud that it is.
When we are entombed by the dusk, we lose ourselves in the thoughts of what used to be. Sailing in our self constructed ship of dreams we seem to have forgotten to take the wheel of our own reality. In those seconds when the veil draws thin, centuries may pass.
Peace
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oooooh this is very surreal and has lovely imagery. i love the style of this poem. it flows very naturally and leaves much to think about.
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Fried fish for Frank! Nice alliteration! Loved it, three smileys for you. Wanna read one of mine? Its called "Thank you and I love you"...if you havent guessed its a love poem.
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I never knew you were a master of alliteration..
the words flow thick and slow off the tongue in the first stanza. and feel heavy...[ if that makes sense]
the second one gives me the image in my mind of being dizzy and drunk on the dance floor flooded with disco lights. crazy confusion...
the last stanza continues from the previous with numb nights... and neon nostalgia.
but differently ~ uncharted nirvana, and knowledge.
between noon and nightmares, where time passes strangely. great image.
reminds me of still being continuously aware [ in the mind ] while falling asleep. it is the strangest feeling....
and time... it passes in all sorts of ways....
great piece sweetheart.
~case
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Din
Time is the everpresent din, with I (me, you, them) in the middle of it all...
That's what I saw when I read this at first
D...I...N taken from each stanza
IT is strange, how loud time is....the flying by, the ticking, the countdowns.....
Excellent poem!
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I love the rhythm in this,
It's so amazing,
and very nice illiteration,
I don't think I could write like that
Amazing job,
Joyce
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The clock never stops ticking and our lives are measured between the seconds. We all have a certain number of ticks...What time is it? -c
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You have an amazing talent my friend! I love this one...just really love it!
faith
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this has a wonderful imagery almost Daliesque in its imagination an exceptional read dear poet
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fantastically thoughtout and written liam!! personal thoughts of my own life flooded in and rushed by as i read this peice, the whole peice reads with such passion, it could be read aloud to an audience as it holds such strength within each line. i adore it and i adore the last stanza very much.
michelle
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Brilliant!
Time is on our side.
If it wasn't then you'd be waiting for a moment
when you can come alive
but you fail to notice when life threatens to pass you
by and days disappear all at once
You know time is not a reality but a concept.
And when your legs get weaker time goes faster.
I think the second you stop fighting it, time really is on your side.
Great write Liam.
I really enjoyed this.
Mandi
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Excellent
Wow, this poem is really great. I love the imagery and the language of the piece. It seems very well thought out. I love the concept.
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This is a lovely and intricate display of alliteration, Liam. Well done, Poet.
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The older you git, the more aware you are of it...!
The clock starts going backwards as you go forward...time distortion...?
Withdrawal from the dwindling dawn...perfectly put bro
And as for delirium dreams, my head's a jigsaw puzzle, some say it's a state of anxiety...'when I was a boy I had a fever, my hands felt just like two balloons...'
it ain't like that anymore Liam, it's a new kinda strangeness, I know what you mean, remind me about dementia...sometimes I can't remember what the word means...
Nice reflective words good buddy, we're all going down the same road, into the sunset, then back up again into the sunrise
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Good God Liam, what a majestically penned piece of art here. You are my master, lol...such a deep melancholy feel just below the surface...
"My time piece shatters,
and rotates the sun,"
I absolutely love these lines...fantastic. I am honored to be among your friends dear liam...keep penning great beauties as these
much love irishman,
IrishGypsyRose
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The second stanza here is very cool and could stand alone..has levels of meaning in it. The poem as a whole works, as well. Book ends of day and night on either end of the strange time situation? well written.
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in the seconds between
noon and nightmares,
where time passes strangely.
I really like that image... this has a twilit feel to it, nostalgic and fearfully written.
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my fav bit
My time piece shatters
and rotates the sun
This makes me think -
This is a well written but rather heavy piece of poetry. Some very good imagery in this Liam. Time passes strangely...and quickly too! We can't stop time...we can only go with the flow of it. Pam
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I think that this is very well written.
but I'm a bit confused in the last stanza; is the ending of this poem meant to be positive or no?
(please forgive my not understanding )
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in the seconds between
noon and nightmares
...that's my favourite part. The meaning of that to me is very prfound at least. You used a lot of wonderful words in this and I loved it!
I did notice though that in the first stanza it was a lot of words starting with 'd' and in the last one there were a lot of words starting with 'n'
...I'm wondering if that was meant to be done. It makes me want to think of day and night.
I loved the sound of this. When I read it you I got a sense of the weight because of all the words you used.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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