The roads were deserted and the night dark,
The dogs roamed randomly as you heard them bark,
It was cold as if bones would stiffen and break,
Everybody seemed inside safe not willing for any move to make,
I was out in the open with skin shivering white,
My clothes were few and torn as I held them tight,
I had not eaten for two or more days,
And yes the street dogs were behind me on full bay,
I hurried along the cold and desolate concrete cast,
As they closed in on me fast,
I began to run against the cold wind blast,
As I ran they too hastened behind ,
Their open ajar mouths and glistening canines no longer looking kind,
I knew they would catch on with my pants,
However fast I ran with gasping pant,
Their howls were growing louder and nearer,
I knew them to ruthless with powers for a perfect shear,
Perhaps they had also not eaten for time,
Like I had not in the absence of even a single dime,
As I thought of climbing some height,
A sharp canine sunk in behind forming a painful bite,
Soon there was another and another,
Now down and feeble with hunger I saw them around me in a gather,
As they cracked, barked and sunk in me,
I lost sense and allowed me to be just be,
I do not know as I write this if I am alive,
Probably death has just struck me for sure making its attempt five,
Earlier four I had escaped its fatal dagger,
The day is dawning and people moving and moving things,
I cannot see myself among them,
As my dead carcass lie there in a pool of bloody scum,
I am now sure its an unnoticed death of another beggar.
Author notes
As my dead carcass lie there in a pool of bloody scum,
I am now sure its an unnoticed death of another beggar.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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I enjoyed the imagery in your poetry even though it is very harsh. You expressed yourself very well through this poem. Your rhyme scheme was consistent and the poem read easily without any stumble blocks.
Big applause on this lovely piece.
Take care
Becks
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The roads were deserted and the night dark, The dogs roamed randomly as you heard them bark, It was cold as if bones would stiffen and break, Everybody seemed inside safe not willing for any move to make, I was out in the open with skin shivering white, My clothes were few and torn as I held them tight, I had not eaten for two or more days, And yes the street dogs were behind me on full bay, I hurried along the cold and desolate concrete cast, As they closed in on me fast, I began to run against the cold wind blast, As I ran they too hastened behind, Their open ajar mouths and glistening canines no longer looking kind, I knew they would catch on with my pants, However fast I ran with gasping pant, Their howls were growing louder and nearer, I knew them to ruthless with powers for a perfect shear, Perhaps they had also not eaten for time, Like I had not in the absence of even a single dime, As I thought of climbing some height, A sharp canine sunk in behind forming a painful bite, Soon there was another and another, Now down and feeble with hunger I saw them around me in a gather, As they cracked, barked and sunk in me, I lost sense and allowed me to be just be, I do not know as I write this if I am alive, Probably death has just struck me for sure making its attempt five, Earlier four I had escaped its fatal dagger, The day is dawning and people moving and moving things, I cannot see myself among them, As my dead carcass lie there in a pool of bloody scum, I am now sure its an unnoticed death of another beggar.
His narrative becomes almost real,
Due to the images they project in
mind.
Unfortunately it is a reality, because there are so many beggars
end up finding that death in
streets.
Congratulations on being a poet conscious,
and chronicles so well written.
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very strong write. yes it is different but a good different. i like it powerful moving poetry that is also full of emotion.
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defintly different. very well done.
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irresistably good, powerful write
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perfect flow and a very good write,
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Yes... this was nice.
A ting a ling kind of thing.
Just perfect tempo, and grace.
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owcly strong this is..
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this is awesome and so well penned you took a little piece of soul here in here thank you for sharing well done an many hugs Angel♥
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A sad but true tale beautifully written once again so much power and a compelling read luv it T.B.xx
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Applause-appplause-APPPPLAUSE!
So well written and what a feast for the soul!
You have honored your ink and spirit
captivating and capturing us within this poem!
WAY TO WRITE!
WAY TO INSPIRE!
ears/seattle sis-Kathleen
WOW! Exquisitely written, flawless flow, the invisible life & death of a wretched
beggar.
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Nice work . Enjoyed this it makes people step up and take notice with a subtle touch.
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I really like it. Especially the structure you have used. I also like how you have described the image perfectly, giving a clear picture but also leaving enough for the imagination. As usual I am a fan of rhyme and I love the emotion behind this aswell. Excellent work
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i like the flow your rhyme scheme creates. very descriptive word choices to convey the tone of the poem. a sad story, indeed
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Wow...This really is a brilliant piece, it took me to such a sad place that had me feeling I was there, witnessing this man's demise, helpless to do anything...crying for him.
Bravo...this is one of the very best i've read from you!!!!
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a beggar's destiny
you have penned what it must be or seem like to a homeless person out on the street of today; but, yours bespeaks of a time long ago when dogs roamed the streets freely & hungry....well-written......kudos......I love the indepthness of your tale.......LP&H
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The imagery here is startling. This is sad and tragic, but brings out a good point. There are so many out there that do go unnoticed, they die and no one misses them. So much to be said for society. Good one.
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A sad tale indeed . The telling / writing is quite good , yet I think it would be even better if you dispensed with the rhyme and went for prose or even metered none rhyme. You have some wonderful poetic expression in here that suffers from having to accomodate the rhyme scheme. Then abandon the rhyme near the end anyway. I like this piece, I think it could really shine.
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Ah...sad
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Very vivid imagery within this piece..dark, suspenseful and sad. Well done.
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Its a sad reflection but unfortunately in today's society these deaths occur all too frequently. You have described this vividly and well. I note that there is an extra rhyme on line 11 and that on the last 5 lines no rhyme at all, is this intended.
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This is a good write. Nice rhyme scheme and excellent imagery. A few lines at the end sounded a bit awkward, but other than that it's a beautifully penned write.
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really well wriiten i enjoyed it very much it is good and powerful nice work
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Really this is a powerfully penned write.I adore it.I feel it.I love it.the rhymes catchy...this is really something we often pass by in life but its where we feel it and write that gives us the tears to think upon.It speaks truth.thanks for sharing
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Oh my
This is a powerful and hard hitting write
This is a problem no one with a heart can ignore.
Unforgettable indeed. I definitely agree.
Thank you for sharing
keep the ink flowing
fire
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You've written a vivid and unforgettable poem that portrays a bit of reality that people don't often see--or, as you so aptly put it--notice.
Well done.
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Love this hon absolutely love it your best I think to me personally anyway well done and its such a pleasure leaving you comments
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very good write!
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amazing write and very emotional
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Nice. This was interesting and very fast-paced. Your rhyme scheme altered from two lines to three lines, and then none. It threw me off a bit. The ending WAS sad, but in a good sense. Since I am more of a poet of the darkness, not much can make me cry, but this... It made me shed a tear. This poem reminds me of one of my poems. It talks about a man moving to the big city because he got signed, but then the company he worked for went bankrupt and he lost his job. It was based off a true story, and I was part of it.
It was quite sad to how he made it to the top, but then fell to the bottom of the chain.
This was a great, and very sad, read.
•*~♥Dax♥~*•
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Deep.....! Distraught and brutally real. As if some metaphoric hounds of equal hunger and need have brought an untimely end to someone vital.Dark and suffering foder of the poet emblazened in this piece.
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woah, this is a powerful poem. your rhyme scheme kinda faltered a bit in line 9-11 since you made all three of those lines rhyme when previously you only had 2 lines rhyming. same with the ending.
either way, this is quite the poem, the ending is horribly sad, but written quite well.
great write
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thanks
for the comments..it was for more intense emoional emphasis..and technically meant to be there!
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This is an awesome write, had me going from beginning to end. Wonderful job. There is only one suggestion that I have.
The sentence...
Their open ajar mouths and glistening canines no longer looking kind,
I think it should be written as....
Their mouths ajar and glistening canines no longer looking kind.
Wonderfully penned, keep up the good work.
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Applaud
well written! I loved it! -
A sad, but well written poem. There are still many people cold, hungry, and homeless.
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(bows slowly)
My, my, my. How sad... So dark, so gone... Lost to the world, forgotten and frail, no longer matters I see... No longer there. They die alone because they are alone... Meant to be alone and dead...and dark... I wonder...was he ever really alive...? Or was his death long ago...
Beautifully done, my friend,
Your Czarina,
~Seraph
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wow this is a story of a fighter and a long battle but a death in the end.it is an amizing but could use a litle more flow ...but it is just wonderfull
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hmmm I like it. So many have died unnoticed for true. I like the story line. Great flow.
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This is an amazing piece. It draws you in from the first line and hold you captive as you read each line. It was spellbinding to the last line. How sad oor society is, and how many beggars endure such a fate? We don't know because they're not news worthy. The entire piece is articulate and flowing. It screams of your social insight and writing talent. lol Mia
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was a little fussy, but the story you were trying to tell was a heart felt one. i loved the ending. not because it was kind of gruesome, but because it was true. i think a little work to let this flow off the tongue would do wonders for this, and would surely make this a fantastic poem. great work, keep penning x
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Bravo...
A beautiful write..
It is very emotional and i love all the decribing words you have used
It reminds me alot of the poems we are studying in my english lessons at the moment...this sort of poems need alot of analysing and need to be broken down alot...I love the way the reader can connect to this write...
I cant really say any more!!!
Thanks for sharing && Keep writing!!
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