My eyes are the bruised blue of dusk,
I've been dreaming of a moment like this
Dark ribbons folding in the sky
Tonight i'll be the only star
Bright enough to be glimpsed from children's windows...
Diamond ice creases my olive skin,
Thoughts spill black trails of ink
Over pages of words
That make so little sense
To my warn out mind...
But one thing remains clear in the clouds,
I've still got a silver linning
A chance, a flicker of hope
That they'll see it in my eyes
Bruised blue of dusk that once reached of for gold...
Author notes
5. I feel like I'm loosing
I had an entry in my own contest where this girl wrote a poem begging to get gold, this was my suggestion on how to improve it. A demonstartion on flare and emotion. I know its pants but lets see...
A contest entry
- 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1039 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Several line prompts to chose from. Have fun. by Topaze.
850 points, ended November 8, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feedback.
Comments
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Good imagery and the hope you suggest is a great ending... I love the metaphors you used like that of dark ribbons.
I am sure the eyes that are bruised blue of the dusk WILL reach for the gold...LOL
I am sorry for being away from AP for a long time...love to read your poems again...missed them a lot:-)
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A lovely entry, my best wishes.
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Bountiful~Beautiful...
Outstanding in imagery... "I thought I wanted it" is rich in contents... Lexis and symbolism are superb. An impressive composition in poetic beauty.
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
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