Your gentle breath
that coaxed the snowdrop's birth,
and melted frozen streams to sing again,
Can turn with fickle whim
to crush the bloom
as you hide in the winter's cloak once more.
Capricious maid, you made my senses whirl,
with many moods that you put on display,
for you can turn the drunken bitter wind
into a breeze that knows sobriety.
You splash your canvas with such vivid hues,
can stumbling pen do justice to this prize?
I would not change your coquettish company
for you chase apathy, like melting rime.
Author notes
Rime. another name for frost
A contest entry
- Prompt 122 by crivanea.
700 points, ended November 10, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I
Comments
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from stanza to stanza..you give the poem its own voice..i hear spring calling in this
..the second stanza is abs. beautiful ..both in mood..in metaphor..in use of imagery..nicely done there
creativity: 4/5
imagery: 5/5
diction: 4/5
impact: 6/10
Total: 19/25 -
I particularly love the second stanza, as a scrap of blank rhyme it's absolutely superb.
"for you chase apathy, like melting rhyme". I love that line! And also "You splash your canvas with such vivid hues," and of course the next line.
As for the first part I cannot read it well and that is most probably because of me: I keep on thinking how I cannot find any snowdrop bulbs to plant this year.
However, when I read it well, I love the lilt of it. It's gorgeous.
-
Some lovely imagery and descriptive phrases - I especially like "drunken bitter wind."
Good poem,
Bill
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