V1
Media mongols make big deals of nothing,
when more absolute atrocities are committed.
Each day thousands die of neglect and abuse,
I guess that's old news now and isn't permitted.
V2
John Doe beats Jane Doe very nearly to death,
millions are starving with no food on the table.
Don't sensationalize blood on a young girl's thighs,
tack a serial killer with some catchy label.
Chorus
It oozes from TV and radio too,
while a freeway chase mesmerizes you.
This world's thinking is all askew,
who needs a paddle without a canoe.
V3
Two pilots fuck-up and fly by a landing field,
speculation flies and reported, nothing is a fact.
Who knows what has happened, who really cares,
were probably both banging a sexy stew in back.
V4
Maybe they're both queer and were swallowing semen,
150 miles could fly by in the blink of an eye.
The plane didn't crash-land nor run out of fuel,
the sensationalism just brings a deep sigh.
Chorus
It oozes from TV and radio too,
while a freeway chase mesmerizes you.
This world's thinking is all askew,
who needs a paddle without a canoe.
Author notes
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/10/24/airliner.fly.by/index.html
Future Challenge?
As in rounds or a whole new challenge?
In a list
A contest entry
- The Ultimate La-La Challenge: Round 8 - Top Ten by Laura Lamarca.
1150 points, ended October 28, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
the boogyman will visit you tonight if you do not comment
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Asleep at the wheel?
First impression: 8/10
Relative to prompt: 10/10
Creativity with prompt: 10/10
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
Flow, Melody/Rhythm etc: 10/10
Cohesion: 5/5
Use of poetic device in general: 10/10
Poet's personal effort: 10/10
Song's "profound" effect: 10/10
Rules followed: 5/5
Last impression: 8/10
Extra credit points:
Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5
Total score: 111/115
I enjoyed this. I think our priorities are so screwed up. We sensationalize to the point of each ---- election.
Ahhh - confection. Well done. ~Pamela
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Asleep at the wheel?
First impression: 9/10
Relative to prompt: 10/10
Creativity with prompt: 10/10
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
Flow, Melody/Rhythm etc: 10/10
Cohesion: 5/5
Use of poetic device in general: 10/10
Poet's personal effort: 10/10
Song's "profound" effect: 10/10
Rules followed: 5/5
Last impression: 9/10
Extra credit points:
Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5
Total score: 113/115
i enjoyed this.
laura.
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I loved the picture you used to illustrate this poem. It is a perfect way to show how much the media obsesses over the obvious. The POTUS is in Florida and the television stations cut away to a child supposedly floating in a homemade balloon. Two seconds of introspection would allow one to realize that it wasn't possible physically, but that would spoil the story. I'm glad you are still participating in this challenge because you have such a pragmatic viewpoint. Peace, Liz
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I almost wrote about that incident, i said from the start he would be found hiding somewhere, that the kids let it go on accident or it was a publicity stunt since the family had been on "Wife Swap"
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I can't watch the evening news anymore for the very reasons you suggest. "Human interest" news seems to dominate and the hard news is pushed to the back. Thank God for the Internet.
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Chorus was worded perfectly.
I love the melody within here; it especially sang through the chorus but i found it through the whole piece as well. I didn't like line 17, I found it unnecessary but I know you and I know you meant no harm by it
"John Doe beats Jane Doe very nearly to death"
^ I love that - the repeat but clearly indifference is amazing, I always love those sorts of plays on words
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Excellent Scott. I was originally thinking along the same lines as this. I can realte so well to these lyrics and wonder why someone hasn't put something exactly like this to music!
Great to see you carrying through Best wishes with the judging
Gaylene
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V2: girls --> girl's
Chorus: worlds --> world's
V3: were --> we're
V4: were --> we're
V4: crash land --> crash-land
Chorus: worlds --> world'
I was honestly confused about the significance of the first line in V4 - it did make me go "errr..." I guess this is what happens when writers write something of satire...some group of people are suppose to be offended. That's part of satire...to convey a serious message in a humorous way.
Anyway, I thought you did a good job...it's great to see that you're still participating and stretching your creativity...you're making some very enjoyable things here.
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Thank you for your input Tyler I appreciate it. Those were's though are suppose to be were,(past tense) not "we are" so that is how I spelled it. I did however correct the rest of it, and I suppose some could be offended by that one line but no offense was intended on my part, just a "hypothetical" situation as the media seems to like to "report" I get offended with just about every rap song I hear. I suppose I could have used "fag's" since my gay friends seem to have no problem with that particular word, and call themselves that.
Homosexuals just had too many syllables. Thanks again... Scott
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Oh ok! I was just reading it (were) wrong. My bad. :]
Haha And yeah I''m the same way. I'm not offended by those words if it is meant as a joke, but if a redneck (for example) walks by me in the hallways and yells "faggot!" then I'm going to turn around and tell 'em off and make them feel like an ant.
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This sounds like a very 'in your face' sort of song- which fits well with the subject. I liked the chorus, it flowed along nicely! So glad you are continuing on!!
Best wishes,
K
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