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In our Hand, Rising

All across the land today
its time to take a stand…

[v1]

For every babe born into hate
and precious worth ignored
for every teen that tempted fate
where squandered dreams are stored

For every child abused today
and silent screams not heard
for young girls brainwashed to obey
this world’s ideals absurd

[c1]

there is a way
a brand new day
a day we all must stand
a day we see the dawn’s new light
is rising in our hand

[v2]

For every woman beat and raped
for every man put down
for anguished tears of pain escaped
and hardships all around

For grieving widows left alone
by drugs and guns and war
and wrinkled eyes where years have flown
behind a silent door.

[c1]

There is a way
a brand new day
a day we all must stand
a day we see the dawn’s new light
is rising in our hand

[bridge]

Don’t let your heart grow faint today
reach out, reach up, rejoice
your sister needs your arm today
don’t falter, make your choice
and lift your brother’s head today
speak out and raise your voice-

 

[v3]
For everyone shut out by race
and lonely souls despair
and for beliefs cast in disgrace
and lack of human care

There is a way
a bright new day
rising in our hand-

[c2]

Come offer up your prayers with me,
your thoughts with me, your songs with me
come spread the warmth of peace with me
all across the land

Come offer up your prayers with me
come dance with me, come sing with me
come shout your joy- your love set free
fill every barren hand

all across the land
Its time to take a stand…

(fade out with these lines)

 

 

Author notes

For this round, you are required to write "lyrics".
Your prompt:: Current Affairs - take it where you will.

Research:
I didn't do much research other than look at these links and read a TON of lyrics from songs I think are particularly strong

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Write-Lyrics-For-a-Song&id=425997
(snagged and enjoyed from Crivanea)

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1207566/5_tips_for_writing_a_pop_song.html?cat=33
(credit to Sideways Hourglass)

Idea for future challenge: Perhaps a Glosa of another contestant's poem or rewrite a poem from an older poet (from OP) to make it your own but in their poetic form.





In a list

A contest entry

Comments welcomed

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30
  • Judith Chandler
    November 2
    Edit | Reply
    Inspirational. Congrats on the gold trophy.


  • Mango Memories gold member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply


    this is brillant. im glad it won gold.

  • ea silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, excellent job on these lyrics. I'd love to hear how they sound. And well done on the gold! I just saw MJ's This is It and the whole concert/film had a similar message.


    • Nickelspring gold member
      October 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I would love for someone to put them to music- certainly not a talent I have!

      I've been interested in seeing that, maybe with my girls.

      Thanks again


  • Griswold silver member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    You know as I read this I was reminded of the "We are the World" video of years back with all the different singers and artists doing it, very well done and worthy of your perfect scores. Scott


    • Nickelspring gold member
      October 28
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Scott- my girls love "We are the World" lol --I hear it more often than a person really should! Didn't make the connection til now though
      Thank you again
      Kris


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    In our Hand, Rising


    First impression: 10/10
    Relative to prompt: 10/10
    Creativity with prompt: 10/10
    Balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
    Flow, Melody/Rhythm etc: 10/10
    Cohesion: 5/5
    Use of poetic device in general: 10/10
    Poet's personal effort: 10/10
    Song's "profound" effect: 10/10
    Rules followed: 5/5
    Last impression: 10/10

    Extra credit points:

    Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
    Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
    Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5


    Total score: 115/115



    Wow. I could see a group forming and singing these lines adding a new voice with each one until an entire choir is formed to sing for the betterment of humanity.

    These lyrics are so humbling, I could not contain my tears. Excellent presentation, mechanically and emotionally. So very very well done. Excellent. ~Pamela


    • Nickelspring gold member
      October 28

      Edit | Reply
      Oh, thank you so much! I appreciate that! What a great idea about the choir. I love music and would love to be able to hear those kind of things in my head, but I can't seem to.
      Thank you again for a lovely and humbling comment

      Kris


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    In our Hand, Rising:

    First impression: 10/10
    Relative to prompt: 10/10
    Creativity with prompt: 10/10
    Balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
    Flow, Melody/Rhythm etc: 10/10
    Cohesion: 5/5
    Use of poetic device in general: 10/10
    Poet's personal effort: 10/10
    Song's "profound" effect: 10/10
    Rules followed: 5/5
    Last impression: 10/10

    Extra credit points:

    Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
    Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
    Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5


    Total score: 115/115


    You totally nailed this from the title until the very last word.


    laura.


  • Summer Daze silver member
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful rhyme and progression of thoughts. The choruses were well written and the entire message would make a great song for someone like Sinead O'Connor.


  • Naridill
    October 26

    Edit | Reply
    Starts strong and speaks volumes often ignored. I love the feeling towards the end, you have lifted the piece beautifully. It's got nice stages and I think you flowed perfectly into each one.

    My only, and I do mean only iffy was with "rejoice"; I don't feel the word works. Not for me, anyway. I think it takes the previous and continuing language away. Apart from that though - I think, so far - this piece stands out for me in competition


    • Nickelspring gold member
      October 26
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, I see what you mean about 'rejoice'.. it probably doesn't fit too well with the feeling here. Not sure what to do about it at this point, but thank you for pointing it out
      Thanks for the great and constructive comment!
      K


  • Truetome
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    on the way.....


  • Nymphetemine
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!! Quite simply wonderful...Lost for words... A brilliant song.. I love the words of compassion... Taking that which is defiled by this world and bringing hope... I hope that you do well in this contest... Me I would definatley give you a gold shiny thingy...!!!
    You are a gifted writer and I think your songs that you have written are just beautiful. Full of emotion and tender feelings of compassion....


  • sideways hourglass
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    You nailed it, in my opinion. Simply incredible.


  • Cannonsfire
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Well I think this song maybe the strongest lyrics I've ever read on here, it's well thought out and a wonderful message in it everyone can take something from. Well done C


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, just wow! A strong piece with wonderful lyrics that flow brilliantly. I'm glad I am not a judge this contest. Between you a couple of others I have read, it will almost be impossible to judge!
    Best wishes to you
    Gaylene


    • Nickelspring gold member
      October 24
      Edit | Reply
      I wouldn't want to judge any of these rounds- the entries are so varied and creative!
      Thank you for a lovely comment!
      Kris


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Not only was the message strong, but the wording was well paced and rhymic. You have a talent for lyrics and I applaud your creativity. Your chorus was catchy and memorable and the entire song has a Pete Seeger feel to it. There will always be a place for a good folk song that explores the human condition. Good luck. Peace, Liz


    • Nickelspring gold member
      October 24
      Edit | Reply
      I think that was where I was trying to go, kind of a folksy sort of thing. I wish this had music to it to give it some life, lol.
      Thank you for a lovely comment!
      Kris


  • crivanea silver member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    i love it i also love where you take the prompt..you see..i tried to write a song on politics..but it failed miserably..so the only thing i can do was a current romantic affair love where you took this...the message is particularly strong i think oh i just notice your a/n glad the site helps best wishes [miss you ]


    • Nickelspring gold member
      October 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you!!
      That was my first impulse- a current 'affair' but I just had no where to go with it lol.
      Thank you for a wonderful comment!

      Kris

1 - 30 of 30