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I will hold you too tonight, but only in dreams

I must now try and drift away,
till  night ends and turns to day.
I hurry now and fall under twilight’s spell
hoping again my loneliness she might quell,
for only in dreams will I see her face tonight,
only in dreams will I hold her close and tight,
only in dreams will she fall asleep to my kisses,
only in dreams will someone grant our wishes

I will hold you too tonight, but only in dreams

Author notes

this started as an away message for my aim....thought id post
Written April 11th, 2004

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  • Dark Minstrel
    August 11, 2006
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    expressive

    I like this. The only issue I have is with the line "hoping again my loneliness she might quell". The line breaks rhythm with too many syllables. And since this is a wishing poem where the event or persons attentions arent going to happen, it might be better to use wishing instead of hoping. Hoping implies there is a chance and from the message of the poem, there isn't.

    Maybe try something like...

    wishing my loneliness she might dispel.

    just my opinion...do with it what you will.

    dark minstrel