sin

I am shivering crying screaming
wondering where could he be
Why isn't he here why wont he answer me
I fall to my knees screaming
“where are you God where are you
why are you doing this to me”
As I cling to the earth
my nails digging in to the moist ground
Tears dripping down my face
I'm screaming out I don’t care who hears me who stares
Because I know that secretly they feel my pain
that they may not say it but they want to scream too
because they have lost someone they love
and they asked the same question
why did you create the tree of good and evil
why didn’t you stop eve form eating the fruit
god we know you could you have the power
or you had it or you lied and you are nothing
as the rain sprinkles on the back of my neck
it sends shivers up my spine
I say nothing I rest my forehead in the mud
I feel like the world has stopped
that I'm alone that I'm dead  
I feel a soft warmth on my hand
I lift my head it feels like it ways a million pounds
I lift my head to look at the face in front of me
it’s a little girl no older than 9
she helps me to my knees
kisses my cheek and tells me ill be ok
but it just makes me cry harder
because she is alone
which means I'm alone
I thought people were people
watching me listening but there was no one
I grab her hand and ask were her parents were
she gives me a soft smile tilts here head and answers
“I don’t have any” she turns and leaves
I slowly drag myself out of the mud
I'm tired sore and mad but not at god
at myself for being so stupid
for blaming god for the accident
for what sin caused in my life
for my sin not his mine
we all have a choice and it is up to us to make it
so it is our fault not his not anyone's but ours