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elegy to innocence






in the comfort of stone we whisper,
to the warmth that crawls from each careful
crack

the smallest ones
so like us, though hidden this close

face down to the granite, beneath the sea of murmurs
as we are

bound to the earth as upon our opening
when we could not imagine
more than the words we were given

then

or hold more than the ones we have lost
since








Author notes

I wrote something. Yay.
Edits: 4

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Danny Beatty gold member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    I agree the comments on this poem for the most part. It is a breath of air, much of it fresh, some of it is smart and glinting and full of treachery of truth and wisdom presented as airy and beautifully crafted simplicity. I love the super emphatic stanza five that joins the fourth with the sixth ... this secret ode to imagination, to human natural wisdom so often ignored, or allowed to wane, is excellent poetry.

    thank you entering this poem in my contest


  • yoopea
    October 30
    Edit | Reply
    concise. and beautiful.


  • Allyce May gold member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Back with a bang; good to see you here

    This poem is glorious - a breath of fresh air *opens the window wider*


  • myusikah
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    Its very abstract, and it's like one of those kinds of beautiful poems where it sounds all pretty and makes you feel all good, but you're not quite sure what it means. I like it.

    I feel like this poem is describing how awful it is to be chained, and not free, but it's doing so in a really light way.

    I like it. I like it a lot.

    I especially like stanza three. "Face down to the granite, beneath the sea of murmurs as we are."

    Beautiful.

    -->pia♫♪


  • Nicolette gold member
    October 26

    Edit | Reply
    this one moves mountains within. as always, you give us excellence and impact. good to see you writing again... this is beautiful and moving...yes.

    ~ Nicolette

  • Rowan gold member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    Yay is right. I've missed you, and upon reading you again, it's obvious why.
    I loved those last two lines.


  • Nickelspring gold member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful! I love the way it echoes after reading it.
    So nice to see one from you!

    k


  • stasis
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    I always get so happy when I see that you've posted something. This is no different. I'm with Cannonsfire, please don't make anymore edits, this is so unbelievably perfect as it is.


  • Night Hope gold member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply

    Yay, indeed, Scribe. It's always grand to see a new posting by you, and placed within my husband's contest to boot. My special favorites in this are your first and sixth lines. Good luck in the contest, Sweetie. Thanks for making an appearance. We miss you when you're gone, you know.



  • Cannonsfire
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Please no more edits, don't kill the heart of this one, it's beautiful and pure and sums it up so well, let it be because it sat as I read it and lingers beautifully C

1 - 10 of 10