Insight

"useless piece of shit, complete and utter waste
of breath and cognitive faculty, I would like to
not be your brain any more."

Two story eco-flat, and my dick gets hard with her tight grip, but this mind is in other places
swimming around in bad water, scattered eucalyptus reeks of a sunny day ruined
by cold showers.

I can feel the fat of my belly rub against the crisp edge of time magazines, the pages picking up thin film of sweat and stomach hair as I lay comatose in televised stupors. The dim reflection in the screen is me 20 years younger and 30 lbs thinner, he scowls like that man from the american gothic, outside yellow leaves are falling. It's my favorite time of year, I'll enjoy it from the sky reflecting all those edgewise fading trees. They're dying and we're just gawking at their colors, "oh how wonderful" I can hear old women through the sil' cracks, they should understand what dying is.

Mid-life crisis averted, I've reached soggy knees and withered old socks, the kind with holes you try to avoid by sucking your toes together, they can last another ten years. Park bench is wet but I sit down anyway. Ground covered in yellow flowers...no leaves, they're leaves, I just want them to be flowers, dead flowers, any kind of flowers. Long time ago now, I remember being told by sickly grandfathers, mothers with thinning hair, drunkards immersed in porn stashes, that life is quick and vengeful, that what we endure and traverse is "just a part of life". My life draws to a close, maybe not now but soon. Wasted it wearing old socks, sky gazing, no one told me these things were unhealthy.

I'm young and I can hear mandolins on every corner, a sweet piano rhythm as well, cavalcades of drummers and cellists that play sonorous melody to each moment.  Upwards the sky is bright and fortuitous, it is dotted by a billion dead or dying stars, but it does not show the kind of despair and melancholia one would expect. Instead it shines and flexes with the energy of an infinite amount of lifetimes.  Skygazing, I find myself apart of that energy, that swell of emotion that engulfs and embraces me, and although I can sense some dank nightmare from far within my future, my possible future. I am not swayed, as just like those stars I too may shine on brightly in the eyes of others, who are just kind enough to catch my light as it so quickly passes by.