Every memory I soaked in differently
It meant nothing to you
I know that now.
But I shall not have hate in my heart
For such a magnificent creature
Though a heartbreaker you may be.
And every day I delude myself
Into thinking you cared
Every night I have unrealistic dreams
That shower me with that fake happiness
Putting that stupid grin with those far off eyes
Upon my face
But now that naive girl is gone
I took a long look at the mirror of reality
And I understand the harm you've caused
For you were like my drug
For if I don't hold your interest anymore
I now know I will survive.
Because Darling,
I've finally stopped lying to myself.
Author notes
Constructive Criticism would be greatly appreciated
How can i get better? What do you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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compliments only - no criticism
I tried to think of some constructive criticism as you sought - but this is just perfect in every way - an emotional roller-coaster but it seems you survived the trip and have learned survival as a result. you are a gifted poet!
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wow 14! thats quite something
yeah, all you need to do is fix up a few little but thats not huge. You have so many beautiful ideas that show so much emotion
if you were just do make it flow a bit more it would be a verm impressive write
keep it up!!
well done.
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Not bad.
I like your poem. Its good to get the feeling that things are going to be alright. A comment: unless you specifically meant to use the word ' delusion ' I would think you meant to use ' delude ' (look it up). I don't think one 'delusions' oneself - I think they 'delude' themselves. I agree with the previous post - it needs a little bit more flow - think of singing it - so every line 'sounds' right. But generally, though, I think its a pretty good poem - especially for someone 14. Keep it up. -
Perfect.
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I liked your poem
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Your poem is very good and I say this because it is heartfelt & it shows through. However I felt your poem lacks flow. Perhaps you could ensure your lines are of the same syllabel length(there are of course different styles of poetry). Also I would suggest paying closer attention to the punctuation. All you need to do is tweak it a little.
I adore the last two lines!!<3 -
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I'm having a bit of trouble with the flow. I'm not sure how to fix it.
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