I dare not close my eyes to sleep
for morbid fear of death begins
as shifting sand already creeps
in gentle surges ‘round my limbs.
The frenzied dash from sea to sand
midst guns and mortar shot and shell,
without a chance to play a hand,
we thousands lumbered into hell
I cannot stem the wound that floods
I can't escape the searing pain,
but smell the cooling of our blood.
as gently falls the summer rain.
I hear the thunder of big guns
a mile or so just o’er the hill
and battle cries as mothers son's;
advance, with fearsome right to kill.
"The setting sun may prove a chance
they take no prisoner's so they say"
his whispered cry a cheating lance;
by morning we'll be cold as clay.
The moon, a phantom of the night
hides high behind a one cloud sky,
then floods the scene with silver light,
he cares not if we live or die.
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I love the flow of your words. This piece is very sad, yet somehow peaceful. I loved how you described the summer rain falling on the wounded. It was a wonderful piece.
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It was a time of sadness for millions. War was and still is an extention of hell.Thank you Cylis I am glad you liked it.
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Bandit Reading list
You really have woven a word picture here that has great detail and depth of feeling, one can almost spell the carnage in the air. Well done dear poet in creating the scene in such vivid detail.
Dennis
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Your mention of the Huns made me pause, because up until then, I'd been imagining D-Day on the beaches at Normandy. Your imagery made it very easy for me to conjure the scene in my mind.
Wonderful rhythm and meter, you've also very well communicated the sense of fear and urgency, even despair, that the speaker no doubt is experiencing. Excellent work . . . and good to read your work again. I've been away too long!
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nice read
I like the expression you showed in this piece. It seems we can't get our thoughts off war these days. Thank you for sharing, good poem, Mareann
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Thank you mareann, as for war , it will never totally go away and the cost is always the same.
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This sounds as if was written by a soldier on the Normandy shore on D Day.
Very well writtren with excelent rhyme rhythm and flow and a pleasure to read.
A truly impressive write.
Bill
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Thanks Bill I had that soldier in mind when I wrote this after seeing some footage of the landings on TV. Heartwrenching.
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This is so vivid and powerful~
that you've just stolen my breath away.
Wow~
Such stellar imagery, and wonderful language, dear poet.
I am just taken away~
best wishes,
ler and Bandit Zach
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Thank you Zach for your wonderful comment to my small offering, you made my day.
B
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Outstanding
I've been reading some of the first and second world war poets recently as I found an anthlogy and this poem immediately made me think of them. I liked the clarity of your images and the dramatic flow of this poem - I could almost see the soldiers fighting for their lives. A pleasure to read.
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BANDITS READING LIST ! ! !
Quite a bloodthirsty violence orientated well written poem with
spot on rhyming and flowing well too.I dont think biting rain flows gently though "In torrents blows the biting rain" might be more appropriate,and to refer to Germans collectively as hungry blood thisty Huns "borders" on racism.All that aside it is an excellent poem which I enjoyed reading......multi hugs.......George....
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Good comment on the Hun George, I will re-look later hurrying now
Gently falling biting rain is very close to snow and can be a gentle fall, but I see you there
Thank you.
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This is very good Ronnica. It is out there in a resentful realistic kind of way. I really love how you use the moon in the last stanza, that is the work of a genious. You took me right into the moment and held me there. A great write...Alby
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"A great write" is a great compliment especially from you alby.
I even liked this one myself.Thank you. -
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Difficult to do...
...as I have found recently, rather overcome by my own urge to write about war; it has been done so well by the famous War Poets, yet, for some reason, I feel obliged to try, as have you, and with some feeling. I have never had to go to waar, nor my offspring, thank God, yet I recall it from when I was a tiny tot. I think there are things which only your comrades-in-arms can relate to; but I still feel I have to think of it. Well done.
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We have to treat it like all history Edward, right now we are, night after night ploughing through actual footage of this cruel 14/18war via sky TV, ie a poor body in a trench still standing, but with no head. I have a fetish about my (English)history; so well documented and have written on the Tudors, Camelot and other notables from the past. Life in parts could even be dull without them.
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Don't change it
Let it live as the words fell on the page. Written with pace and balance. Reads really well but not sure I truely believe it. Last verse is great. Not sure how you can make something like this truely work if you were not there. Only you can answer that. Shakespeare however was able to take you into battle and make you believe. It's a real challenge.
Well done.
Chris
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oh you have described the horrors of war so starkly here, and the question 'why', at the end, dead or alive i could see it all in front of me, well penned
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Beautiful piece, it's very intriguing and captivating. The flow is great and the darkness of this piece has definitely captured me. Great work!
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