a rant. after a night.

lets put all of our shit out there, for everyone to see.
because we're friends too.
did i cuss? yes.
do i consider myself a christian? yes.
am i taking a step back and slipping a bit? yes, but thats life, shit happens and we all do it. none of us are perfect. none of us are saints, and i don't think we can be.

all we can do is try, and even though we try, life will still grip us good and piss us off and we'll be human and let our emotions run rampant through our streets, like i am doing now.

Jesus still loves me. and i still love him. i sin, we all sin. i'm fed up with what the "church" is becoming, because we aren't the "body" anymore, we are just a church of lifeless, self-centered believers, looking for a fire escape

a church being a "building" and not a "body" like we should be.

i still want to change this world, i still want to do my part. but sometimes i'll cuss, and sometimes ill drink, and that's just life. i still want to feed the hungry.

i don't think its by chance that i love cooking simple comforting soul food so much.
i don't think its by chance that i have a heart to love what you and most other people could never stand to love.
i don't think its by chance that im not the perfect saint you and others would have me
be if you had your way, because if i was the "saint" in front of these people, i would never be able to talk to them. never hear their side of things. never hear their opinions....
heck, i wouldn't even be allowed to be around them in the first place.
because you and your kind are just waiting for that "trump" to sound, and whisk you away. not really, truly, sincerely loving these people that need love and friendship.


i love Jesus,
and it seems like sometimes i have to "half-heartedly" confess of my sins, because part of me wants to believe that im just a human, and its in our nature to make mistakes.
but then another part of me hears from preachers and sermons that im supposed to be perfect, and never slip and fall, and when i do happen to, im supposed to do it out of ignorance, and not out of any kind of conscious choice.........................

i sin, and i screw up, and im definitely not perfect. far from it. because i have my "thorns." but my professor said that it states somewhere in the bible that "hell was made, because God knows that the people who will be in hell, would not be happy in heaven. another example of gods mercy and grace."
i know for sure, that i would be perfectly content in heaven for all eternity. i could worship and praise God forever, because of how great he is. because he is never ending. because he is God. because he is Holy. because he is perfect, blameless, all powerful, everlasting, glorious, bright and shining, beautiful, because i know i could stand at the foot of his throne, and be able to look to the west and east as far as my soulful eyes could see and still never be able to grasp how amazingly immense our God is. because i know that the light that shines from him is the brightest, purest, most singularly glorious light in the universe, and outside the universe.

i could worship and praise him because he gave me a gift in the form of my voice and my musical skills, and every other skill i have. and because i love singing him praises. i could worship him forever because of the love he has for me, even though i don't live up to your standards of perfect. even though i don't live up to his standards.............which i do feel bad for not being able to do.

i could worship him for all the rest of time, because i know i am his favorite.

and that is one of the single most amazing things about his love. his love is so great we are ALL his favorite. each and every one of us. HIS FAVORITE. we, as humans, can't do that with anything. we will always love one thing more than another. always prefer something over something else. but God, in all of his amazingness, can love each and every one of us as his FAVORITE. because he is God. and i could worship him simply for that.

even if he had never done anything for me personally(which he has). anything for anybody i knew. as long as i knew that HE is the God of everything, the Creator, the everlasting being, and i knew that for FACT, he wouldn't even have to be my savior(like he is today), and i would still worship him. just for who he is.



stuff's just not making sense, and you are so much more conceited and self-centered than you ever were before, and i don't get why.
you could have been so much more than what you're becoming.....don't become that.
what happened to you?