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the naked hunters

tell me where we fell down

before a nursery rhyme tower,

london bridge and kings with horses

skewered liberty to a needle

before it toppled into disrepute

 

i went on a hunt with guns

noises like popsicles while

animals drew flies and wild applause

from blood thirsty tribes

called civilisation

 

and they expected me to gore them

with blood on my palms and holes in my heart

astonished i cried, whimpered with lions

and raged for infidelities

 

tended the bare, unbreasted sores

with unfailing resistance to ignorance

pointing each to their demise

refusing to eat a spoil of war

 

dusted off the remnants

a tatty chapter book, vast pages

voices that made wolves sound tame

shoved it under fat noses

slammed it shut

 

ashamed

 

ashamed the leaves on a tree

had more to offer as life,

lifesblood with no reward yet

simplistic beauty absorbed

while i saw skin, the white of flesh

as poisoned veins and sunken eyes

 

the reflection of which

stared back at me,

knowing i was one

 

believing a kingdom could be

full of the forgiven

 

watched as eyes, so wild

yet full of innocence

stalked me in my dreams

until i regretted knowing

i had no home i was proud of

 

invoking spirits, a dance of wild glee

in not so small a number

 

is this where we fell down

 

the acid test wasn't rain anymore

it was stupefied in bitter politics

and unread '60's poems

and my mouth

 

tasting the bile of technology

without mention of past recriminations

or a broom to sweep the entrance clean

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

“Nature is more advanced than people.
Every snail has a home.”
– Lu Wong

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Howl- gold member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    this was a terrific read! you really have some potent poetic devices here and your flow is impeccable. your poetry is so easy to read! it makes me a tad envious your turn of phrase is excellent and some of the stanzas have such power in the way you have carefully constructed your lines. the imagery is at times dark, at times light and overall, just brilliant.
    thank you for sharing!
    bravo


    • Cannonsfire
      October 30
      Edit | Reply
      Never be envious of writing styles, to each of us we have a unique voice, yours is as strong and vivid. It's what sets poets apart, their unique way of looking at the same thing. The world lends itself to the shades, the sad and at sometimes frustrating manner in which it conducts itself and then we have the light where we get to laugh,love and generally feel good about it. There is not all doom and gloom in this place, it's that we get bombarded with the bad and never the good because good is never newsworthy. Thank you for a lovely comment C


  • Howl- gold member
    October 29
    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    What a fabulous read! Your vivid imagery and your passion are quite evident here. you take such care in placing every word and it truly shows. your turn of phrase is brilliant! so many great lines, i truly can't pick a favourite.
    Bravo!


  • Mango Memories gold member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    my oh my.


    certainly long to read - but well worth it.

    Sometimes i wish i could live in that mind of yours.

    • Cannonsfire
      October 29
      Edit | Reply
      There is barely enough room for me lol that muse kind of takes over!!!


  • Concrete Angel silver member
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    I just realized after reading earlier that this is above the 20 line max I have set in my rules
    I really enjoyed this poem, so I don't want to remove it from the contest.
    Perhaps you can find a way to restructure to cut the line length down to 20... I would really like it if you could. I think by what you have displayed here you are a talented enough writer to figure out something

    Oh yes... it has to be 20 lines of words... the empty lines between stanzas won't count toward your twenty lines


    • Cannonsfire
      October 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the compliment, but I am sorry I didn't read the rules so it's quite ok to DQ me, I understand. If it were any other piece I might go..ok I will try but this piece is kind of personal to me after a conversation with one of the beat generation poets in America, she is so talented and so full of all the stuff I want to express, I think if I cut it down it would take the heart from it. But thank you again for enjoying it C


      • Concrete Angel silver member
        October 28
        Edit | Reply
        Ah, it's ok. I understand. When a pem is personal there's not much I would change about it either
        I'm not going to remove this from the contest even though it's over the line limit because it's so great and I am hoping more people will read it


  • Concrete Angel silver member
    October 27
    Edit | Reply
    Well, this is definately profound and definately gets the mind to workin. I really like where you went with the prompt. This felt like someone thinking back on all the ways the have impacted the world for the worst and lamenting for their former actions. I really liked this. Great job and good luck!

  • this is different than all of the other entries i read. it just seems to be in a totally different league - not a better or worse league - what i mean is, it's just a different realm of ideas it seems, but that is what makes it so refreshing. anyway, i love it.


  • JinSays gold member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    I love this, especially in light of the fact that we spent the next day talking about the wilds of Africa, and your time spent there. I see the Beats are wearing off on you too, huh? Damn that Ferlinghetti.
    this is fantastic love, as always vry impressive. I feel this one all over my conscious, if that makes sense. I wish you the best always,
    love,
    jin


    • Cannonsfire
      October 25
      Edit | Reply
      The beat comes and goes in me, I go off on tangents and my mind swirls the things I hear, see and feel on any given day, sometimes it's a mixture of all three plus a conscience and that is dangerous ground lol because I think too much...pass the wine C


  • Ken-Maverick
    October 24
    Edit | Reply
    What a write!!


    • Cannonsfire
      October 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks KM, it happens occasionally when something I look at, like this prompt is so deep and profound, i find words that somehow don't belong to me, do belong to me and they fall out... C

1 - 15 of 15