It is a fourfingered touch on his arm
slightly above the elbow not quite
his bicep and not firm enough to feel
his muscle if it was. She touches him
the softest blow and drives home her
point and blinks her eyes as she drops
her chin and shakes her head to free
long tangling hair from the coat collar
turned up against the bitter wind to
which he pulls his shoulders under his
ears and bobs his head like the runt
signaling surrender a wolf rolled onto
his back whining mercy mercy mercy
and prepared to take a nip just please
dont take it all dont take my eyes or
my tongue or my skin or the breath
from my chest or make me love you.
Author notes
If our working vocabulary continues to shrink, perhaps
communications within our species will be reduced to noises
and gestures and our only ideas will relate to survival.
Instead of writing and reading poetry we will howl.
In a list
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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reawakening primal self
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So, Tom, I am looking at this like...
I am seeing power in the "adult female" and comparatively so, weakness in the male. You show her dominion not only in the power of her touch, (the ability to make a BLOW, and gently so) but also in the way she undoes her hair, chin lowered, eyes blinking...and decidedly so, I think. Her dominion plays out also in the apparent absence of his muscle and strikingly less controlled reaction to the cold, but also in the wolf comparisons, both direct and indirect.
Her head shaking and the "four-fingered" touch seemed to be visually wolf-like motions, though not stated as such, and her offering him sustainance (of at least affection), but little more.. and completely at her discretion also worked...his runtlike behavior seems to be beneath her, much less than she might wish for, and yet she, in control, can not allow herself to be completely merciless. That whole dynamic between the two of them... particularly in light of the adult female and runt wolves was really a powerful bit of character study.
The delivery of those last few lines of plea is really striking... it is such a change from what has come before...you see a different side of the woman, still in control... but vulnerable, not to him, but to her own need and sense of self-preservation. Really well done.
Title was perfect, helping with the comparison, as well as portraying her position. It also added a bit of coldness to what followed.
Lots of great stuff here; I'm sure I have not touched it all. Great read.
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i read this the other day thom - i have a lipssssss - you are quite happy to snip my tweed jacket my dear old grandpapa gave me, but then post mad poetry i can rip apart if i wish
i am in a good mood though, i just got hea from your mum, so i am happy.
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Brilliant!
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Delightful, soft and sensual ... a beautiful read.
Sue
x
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This just beautiful,
i picture this happening in a foreign film
with subtitles, these lines speak volumes
"dont take it all dont take my eyes or
my tongue or my skin or the breath
from my chest or make me love you"Love & blessings
Rend
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" she touches him the softest blow"
and the breathlessness of that pleading in the last four and a half lines.
This is a beautifully written piece...and its content is scrumptious.
However you had arranged the words and line lengths, the strength of the poem would have worked. I ask (only because I ask myself this question) "What made you choose this particular format for the poem? (It seems to be so it can have this dense shape?)
I keep rereading this...and I love the tone of the start "It is a four fingered touch
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ahhhh, now I can sit back and smile....your words were what I needed to read tonight. Thank you.
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excellent poem....wild applause.
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and deserves to be in my badaboom brilliant list...
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Excellent!
And a baddaboom ending
Jeff
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just love the images in this one, especially the wolf rolling over and the way this poem just carries the reader along....such a light touch to this poem, such an earnest plea. wonderful poetry !
~ Nicolette
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I was absent-minded with intoxication until that end! Ohhhhhh Lordy!!! I just ADORE how casually it is slotted in there - like it's not a big deal; after all the topic of eyes, skin, breath from chest then POWWWW. Freakin' men. JUST GET OVER IT and accepttttt, lol. Ah, you know I'm kidding. I adorrrrrre this like Buzz Lightyear: to infinity and beyond.
!!
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