Cradle

Dirt
Filth
My new white outfit
For the longest time I’ve kept my jacket clean
But now it’s tarnished
A week ago it was just a fleck of bleach
And then chocolate
Then ketchup
The other night it was mustard
But today
I fell
I slipped in the mud,
And now my whole suit is ruined
My beautiful, pristine jacket, is now covered with lies and deceit
It’s an outfit of ruined relationships
And selfishness
My prevarication getting less and less evident with every new splotch

But clothes, clothes I can remove,
Buy a new wardrobe
But now that there is no more room for blemishes on my suit
They appear on my face.
My whole body is becoming more and more ugly with every lie I tell
“I need to call my dad during his break, I’ll text you later”
As the words leave my mouth, I feel my hands get sweaty and my face heat up as oil begins to glide across my skin
“I was bout to go to sleep, ttyl night”
Bile builds up in my throat
I am making myself sick with my selfishness, but I can’t care
Why couldn’t I bring myself to just tell him where I was?
Because I knew it was wrong
I shouldn’t be with him alone.
My façade that you have come to believe as my true self is too well planned.
You trust me, but you shouldn’t.
I don’t care if you don’t call me because my heart isn’t in this.
When you tell me that you’ve been thinking about me all day, it makes me smile
But not for the right reasons
When I’m with you,
I’m thinking of him.
He held me in the rain
And every other time I needed him.
You can’t replace 5 years of memories with a few months.
He is my cradle
And I don’t care if we fall.