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Flawed Maps

Missing image
Worms cut just below midline,
adjust, growing alternative selves;
zippered belly wounds made way for more me's
suitably named save connect-the-dot traits.

Like irresolute squirrels,
treacherous blacktop beckoning -
mirror of reality, my pavement to perdition.

Fork right, swerve left!
Yet another resolution lies ahead,
announced by competing expressions;
little ones, big ones
jumping upon one single soulful trampoline.

Flawed maps fisted by self-righteous -
Merge here, exit there,
oasis guaranteed.

Noxious subtleties obscure vision;
emitted by those too terrified to drive.

Who needs maps?
Self-adjusted rear-view reflects twelve me's -
little ones, big ones.
To merge now,
is to drive with one headlight.

Author notes

http://www.webdesign.org/img_articles/16527/final-result.jpg

*POM Contest*

Theme: about someone having dissociation and facing the self-righteous pompous shrinks who think integrating or merging is the only way to heal or "get cured" . Good therapists know you can co-exist with your "family members".

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 21 of 21
  • JToddUnderhill
    November 12

    Edit | Reply

    Nice one....

    ..... This was very well done. and about the last line. "Piddidle" which is what we call out when there is only one head light working on a car. it's part of the advanced rules to slug bug, or what some call punch buggy!


  • Darkmoon
    November 9
    Edit | Reply
    This was interesting. Thanks for the entry and good luck.


  • Copy
    November 5

    Edit | Reply

    Ah ha.

    "Worms cut just below midline,
    adjust, growing alternative selves;..."

    Just from the very opening.
    It was... ah ha. Ya know?
    Thank you! And good luck.


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 4
    Edit | Reply

    Come One, Come All Contest Judging

    1. Poetic Device - 17/20
    2. Theme and Emotional Connection - 8/10
    3. Creativity - 15/20
    4. Vocabulary - 14/15
    5. Title Relation - 9/10
    6. Bonus Points for "It" Factor - 20/25

    TOTAL: 83/100


  • lesbian-in-love
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    This was a good write. I enjoyed reading this. It was good. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest. Keep up the good work!


  • HyperSoccergal8
    November 3
    Edit | Reply
    great write, thank you for entering my contest, good luck =]


  • Floorboards
    November 2
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem, congratulations on yer golden goose!

    Floorboards.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 1
    Edit | Reply
    I am so glad to see that you won Gold
    Be well.


  • Black Narcissus gold member
    November 1
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the shiny


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    My dear Kim,
    I must say this is a deep thought
    provoking write, your imagery I do have to admit
    pulled my dictionary up to get the full impact of
    this write, come to think of it.. I don’t go any where
    with out it, words are apart of my DNA and this my
    dear is spectacular !!!

    Well done Poet and good luck
    In the contest,

    Love and blessings

    Rend


  • ZachP silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply

    Wow . . . this may be the shortest PO' critique I've ever given.

     

    I am just honestly blown away by this poem. The imagery, the mets., the flow, the emotion . . . 

     

    Ohmigod.

     

    I am a secret judge, but I don't think there's any secret here.

    Nevertheless, your scores shall come in the contest notes.

     

    Zach Estel. 


  • Arkbear gold member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply

     

     

     

    Hello Kim

     

    Quite the write you have going on here....wow!

     

    I had to take it slow around each corner, as I was not prepared for such depth and thought......well, I was, as I knew you would deliver another great write.....but to read this more than twice is a treat -

    I would have brought down..>>>**Yet another resolution**

     

    You have taken this contest and gave it a new challenger.....good luck!

     

    Bear -

     

     

    Title   10....yes.....I would click on this Title....&....it goes perfectly with your Theme....even though you took it verbatum, no worries -

    Flow  9.8....great Flow...pun.c's are used wisely and appropriately....there are a couple of areas I found choppy, though....(suitably named...COMMA -

    Depth   9.95.. ....for only 22 L's allotted to you....you made the best of them and it works well -

    Theme  9.95..Most Creative.....a tad too deep in some places, but it still works.....-

    Feelings   9.95...you placed yourself into this write and out came....YOU! -

    Grammar   10....not often do I give a ( 10 ) in this category....good job! -

    Presentation  10...you broke up your thoughts into smaller and larger S's (S's = Stanzas )....and that helps the Flow....IMO -

    Uncommonness...10..Theme has been done a few times very similiar...but your approach is quite nice - 

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.95...I did ponder.....a lot -

    Ability to follow Rules  10.0...nice job  -

    Bears Score:  99.6

    I had a feeling this was going to score well on my board.....no editing once a Judge has touched your work please -


  • Frogzter gold member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Nice presentation and the title had me curious.

    Title ..............9
    Flow.............9
    Depth...........9
    Theme..........9
    Feelings........8
    Grammar.......10
    presentatioin....10
    Uncommoness.......8
    Sit and ponder..... 9
    Follows Rules.......10

    Your total: 91

    Best wishes,

    Frogz~


  • whitecoffee
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow! So many lines that I loved in this. very well done, much luck to you, I think you'll do great in the contest..


  • MichaelSavage gold member
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    Title: 10, would draw me in to read
    Flow: 9
    Theme: 8
    Feelings: 8
    Grammar: 10
    Presentation: 10
    Uncommoness: 8
    Sit and Ponder: 9
    Depth: 10
    Follow Instructions: 10

    Total Points: 92
    Very well done on this subject matter. Good job.

    Michael
    No editing once a Judge has touched your work -


  • Amera gold member
    October 26

    Edit | Reply
    Well done Kim! I think you already own the best therapist and his name is Goliath.

    Love,
    Amera


  • islekine gold member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply

    I love this one!

    Nice to read you again...thanks for sharing your talent! Best wishes in the contest and always! write on and on...

    and


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    You seem to have found
    a skillful way to navigate,
    as well as a profound manner
    in which to describe the journey.
    More power to you in your travels!

    M-c


  • Xianaria gold member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Kim ~

    I enjoyed this piece, you definitely had me thinking throughout ~ which is a good thing! Great images & phrasing. I definitely think I've used this map a time or two in my life...

    Nicely done & best wishes in the contest!

    ~ Tim

1 - 21 of 21