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Feel the Love

Feel the love.
Feel it.
Feel the love
ooze toward you
like month old
yogurt from a
feculent salami.
Mmm. So tasty.

Suck, suck, suck
it in.
Make it last;
eternity's
a long time.
Last chances
are special.
Let the flames
draw you in,
hairless moth,

... and
blow, blow, blow
all those
bright candles,
so many,
yet too few.
What's your wish?

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Adamastor
    2 days ago
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Good.

    As a contest entry, it's very good. There is a bit of confusion for me however, as to wether or not you intended to include the Double Entandres (or whatever the saying is, I'm British). Anyway, there is a cuteness to it all the same and derserves my two points.

    • NeedaMuse
      2 days ago
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      Cinnarry is (I think) one of the best poets around. She says what she thinks however she thinks it. Sometimes that's ribald. She hasn't felt well recently, so a ribald birthday greeting with death overtones seemed right. Thanks for the comment.

  • Cinnarry gold member
    November 9

    Edit | Reply
    "Let the flames
    draw you in,
    hairless moth,"



    delicious sigh...

  • pvenugopal
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    tender and total and beautiful. rhythm of it is the thing.


  • Poetic-Theorem silver member
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    roflmao
    This is hilarious and a wonderful dedication
    to a brilliant poetess
    metaphorically awesome as well

    I know that Cinn will love this
    but knowing Cinn
    she will have the last words
    when this party is all said and done
    (and my oh my, that will be a moment to cherish)

    thanks for sharing your amazing mind
    David


  • Cannonsfire
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    She will smile at this one J, then she'll tell you what hairless moth's do when they are not trying to break out of their cocoons lol C

1 - 7 of 7