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Saying Sorry to Silence

I guess it's pretty awkward
to stand out here, alone,
talking to you like you still exist.
I'm a magnet and the past is so clear and metallic
that I almost can't help but come back.
I left a lot behind.
Mostly, malice and words spoken but not always meant
and confusion
and so much guilt
and just not understanding
WHY.
Why did I spontaneously combust into a smoldering
bitterness that held an unnecessary grudge?
Why did I try to ignore everything
and yet at the same time cope with it by cruel childishness?
Why did I feel so angry and so wronged
when, even as I spit venom into your face,
you stood your ground without a sound
and took it all in with more grace than I'll ever have?
Why did I feel so agitated
when you wouldn't sink to my level?
Why did I let this eat at me for so long
when all I had to do to make it right
was to just look you in the eye and,
no matter what would have resulted from it,
told you I AM SORRY?
And why am I even saying it now?
There's no one here anymore...

Author notes

The person this is about, as the poem implies, is gone. I doubt anyone will guess who it is, and I'm VERY fine with it that way. I'd had it actually written for a really long time now in a journal/diary but I decided to finally post it... Now, about how this came about...The judge of a contest I entered using this also has a poem in ANOTHER contest I entered using "Swings", which I read and loved. So, when I decided to come see more poetry, I found this, so I've entered. Hope it fits well.

UPDATE
Despite having already won a trophy for this poem, I have found another contest (Breakups...) to which I feel it applies very well, considering this was written about my ex. I only have one, so I guess now people know who it's about right?...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Toxic Meltdown
    November 22
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    Interesting piece.Nice work poet. Thanks so much for entering


  • Nyafushia gold member
    November 4

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    This piece has such sincerity and depth. Too often we do things in life that we never look back on and try to learn from. Sometimes it is hard to look at our failings, so we just don't. But then there are some of us, who feel deep down and look even when it is ugly. I think this is the process of real growing. Some of life's best lessons are learned from evaluating past actions and the pain and reactions  we've had. I've done a lot of reflecting on my past actions, and have gained much insight from it myself. Sounds to me like this is part of your journey too. Thank you for being so true and sincere and for sharing this.

  • Reigning Fire
    October 23

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    Impressive, I never thought I'd come across a poem so powerfully written with such emotions that at the end I'd wince in pain, and have to look away. If you revise this and possibly if you don't someone will be reading it in class and have to analyse it.

  • Marty-McFly
    October 23

    Edit | Reply

    Perfect

    Its fits perfectly...i interpreted the character alongisde you as one that was very fond of you, but like all humans, s/he had a limit. I hope to read more like this, very well done. Best of luck in the contest.

1 - 8 of 8