I looked into myself today,
And wonder how we got this way....
In bed we work so flawlessly,
Beyond sex it's catastrophe....
How did we sink down into this???
As is lost in a dark abyss...
I push myself to force a smile,
And you say harsh things all the while
And on that cold October day,
you cursed me as you walked away....
I couldn’t cry to watch you leave,
A part of me was quite relieved...
And now again, it seems we strive,
To try and answer love’s cold lie...
You reach to me for your release,
And leave me when you’ve had your feast...
I could yell and make demands,
But you solve problems with your hands...
You say that only cowards run,
And your words scorch me like the sun....
The morning light is yet to show,
As I pack my things to go...
Not much remains of you and me,
But distant painful memories...
Why take these things of you remind???
Why not just leave them all behind???
Nothing more than mere possessions,
Monuments to our obsessions....
So as I close the door behind,
and leave what I may never find...
It’s nothing that we failed to do,
It’s just that I can’t live with you...
Please under stand, the pain just had to stop...XOXOXOXO
A contest entry
- Head vs Heart (quickie, prewrites allowed) by BeachBum1.
550 points, ended October 31, 36 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This really packs an emotional punch!'
'It’s nothing that we failed to do,
It’s just that I can’t
live with you...'
These lines will stay with me...
Thank you for sharing
and congrats on the shiny!!
Pastel
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I am honored that you found something to remain within you...Max
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Wow....I don't know what to say. I am surrounded by so much talent here. I am most pleased that I was able to share with all of you something I have held inside for many years. Thank you all so much for your reviews...Max
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This is very good. Excellant.!!
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stunning
Your balance between poetry and story telling makes this an astounding success. Your rhyme never felt forced and your metaphors and haunting language are perfectly gauged and emotive. From start to end I was hooked on this. A beautiful story told by engaging your reader by inviting them to look with you into yourself. Thank-you for letting me read this and entering it good luck
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brilliant write. been there but the sex was never all that great, for me that is. i guess it just becomes a habit loving someone who is no good for you and who has no idea or care about who you really are. makes me think.
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Thanks...I appreciate the time you took to read this...Max
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Thanks, Chez....
I think I will make the changes you pointed out in the near future. I wrote it in about 3 minutes during one of my rants this morning. I'm surprised I even spelled everything right!!!! Thanks for your input!!!!! -
Sad write, the rhyme is a little off meter, but if you read it out loud to yourself you will see where there are too many syllables or not enough. The thoughts are well done though C
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