"Hello, just called to know- how are you?" a giggle then pause when a male voice replied," Hmmm... fine and you?" and the conversation started with these two ordinary questions went on and on.
Distant dark clouds come
stops still over earth-
rain showers
"No, it's not possible- you're not my type plus I need some one more successful", said an annoyed female voice, "Its ok, I understand", a heavy male voice replied.
Clouds flying away
swiftly with air-
still earth
Tossing and turning on bed- " her giggling voice still roaring in my mind, can't sleep- why you left me?", a male heart talking to its mind when mind replied- " do you think you deserve her? It may be harrowing but you're a loser- a no woman's choice!"
dry dust blurring
earth below lull sky-
so distant and high
Author notes
Word prompt: harrowing
~ a haibun
- Lovers of Oriental Art group list • next in list
- Haiku Senryu And Tanka group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Semi-Quickie #1 (give me words) by iamlost.
600 points, ended November 16, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Moses Supposes his Proses... by The Molt.
900 points, ended October 31, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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nice write Mou
dry dust blurring
earth below lull sky-
so distant and high
yes, true and intospective
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I really liked the way the dialogue is interspersed with the more poetic lines that enhance the story and give this a great visual aspect. I think the dialogue lines could be improved with clearer line breaks, grammar, and punctuation, but they work fine to tell the story as they are. This was a unique form I hadn't seen before, thanks for your entry.
~lost
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well
rejections are a way of life and they come in plenty some just on face others aftera while and many other aftera life time....so this was a harrowing tale awright..but quite popular already..thanks for sharing -
I like this. It falters in a couple of places but you have plenty of potential. Good luck with your future writing!
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I'll
I'll work hard to improve myself in future, thanks for encouragement :-)
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This is great! A perfect clash of poetry and prose. (I did say 'no poetry', but that's beside the point) It gets me thinking about love and life. Emotional, yet light. I do think that you need appropriate punctuation in places where there curently are none, but overall, it's a good piece. Good luck.
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