I see a class,
And hear Pink Floyd.
I see a Halloween Dance poster,
And I hear the Monster Mash.
I hear the Chorus sing off key,
In reaction I'm annoyed.
I want my music light and free,
Give me Amy Lee or Johnny Cash.
A contest entry
- Sound by polly filla.
400 points, ended November 7, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? I embrace criticism!
Comments
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Oh god, you've started Monster Mash in my head! However, this is a fun write; have a happy Hallowe'en.
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I think you're hearing it, but the language you use is not showing me (the reader) what you mean - for example; what does 'the chorus singing off-key' sound like?
I think I understand the subject; hearing certain sounds in your mind for outside stimulation, as in the 'Halloween Dance poster' making you think of the "Monster Mash"
yet I want to see the 'Halloween Dance poster' come to life with the sounds you make to describe the "Monster Mash"
and as for Johnny Cash - I know what he sounds like to me, but I want to know what he sounds like to you!
Thanks for your entry! -
Hoot Hoot For "Jonny"
Glorious writer as are you. ~ James ~
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I like this, but my mind wanted to switch "Amy Lee" and "Johnny Cash". I know that would mess with your rhyming scheme...but I thought I would suggest it. I think it would sound better that way (or read better...you know what I mean). Anyways, I laughed when I read:
"I hear the Chorus sing off key,
In reaction I'm annoyed."
I can definitely relate to that.
Great poem and good luck in the contest!
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