Sweat
dripped
down my pale face as I ran ran ran to catch the bus.
“Yeah wait for me the half gallon’s gone are you with anyone twentyone see you soon”
Stumbling to the back of the bus, I catch
my breath. “Next stop: Barracks Road” echoes
through my head.
I slump and stare at the floor
the blurry faces will not come into focus.
Black curtains drop
on the scene and I suddenly wake up
to vodka and stomach acid
burning the back of my throat.
A puddle forms below .
Neon yellow dominates but the bright red makes me dizzy and faint.
The liquid slowly forms a stream down the center of the bus.
I close my eyes.
If I can’t see them they can’t see me.
I stumble off at the next stop and see the
Omni Hotel.
I walk through the front door
the smell of chlorine fills my lungs
I stare ahead at the giant fountain
flower displays fancy everywhere I
trip
over a chair
but catch myself and find the bathroom.
There are two ladies in bridesmaid dresses doing their make up.
They whisper and I hear footsteps as I
curl up on the cold tile floor,
my head rests on the toilet.
I laugh outloud.
They told me I was still smiling when they found me six hours later.
Author notes
this was one of the first stand out moments that i had a drinking problem when i was 14. the message is suppposed to be something like i get away with doing ridiculous things and never feel bad about it and never want to change my behavior. can you tell thats what i was going for? it was also just supposed to show how ugly drunks are.
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I definately got all of that even- I feel bad saying it- the bit about how ugly drunks are. I don't think it makes them a bad person, or even an ugly person, but the poem definately relates a dizzy feeling, a sort of nausea with life while at the same time the speaker just doesn't give a damn (the laughing).
From reading this though I definately want to know what makes this person (you I guess) tick. Like what motivates them to drink, etc. and I feel like that definately gets explained in some of your other poems. So. This works really well with some of your other writes and would go really well in a sort of personal, confessional, series of poems. You should print some out and make a portfolio.
(clappies)
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Thats kind of on point with what i was thinking, i have some sort of vision of a confessional series based on moments. There are probably like 50 moments in my life that I want to write about, and this seemed like a starting place, although I think I should go back to some defining moments right before this, but thanks for reading.
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Even if the reader does not have a drinking "problem", I think most can remember a time looking through those same blurred eyes. Nicely done.
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I read it as a day as a drunk. It is an excellant poem. Good enjabment. Pretty scary to think some people have to go through this, and for you, so young. Compliments to you for your poem and your life without.
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You got your message across well..i liked the style of the poem and the way you created a certain casual feeling to the story...just an ordinary day in the world of a drunk, made different by the experiences they bring upon themselves. I relate to this poem with a direct experience of my own. Very well done.
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Wow this is very candid. The imagery is awesome! It is kind of sad though, because it holds truth. Truth hurts sometimes. I hope this helps someone else as well help you.
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"ran ran ran" is great.
actually, the whole thing is really really great.
the first bit of dialogue in the bus is almost impossible to figure out, which works to a certain point, but the "which river trail" bit was indecipherable.
everything in the Omni hotel was perfect.
the spacing adds character until it doesn't. it gets a bit out of hand, especially the use of two sentences in one line instead of a linebreak. it should probably have some more line breaks in it. that is all.
this is pretty incredible.
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thankyouthankyouthankyou im very bad at thinking outside of my mind when reading things ive written
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