our sun is setting, watch its glow
burning in the haze
for power shifts like desert winds
and we count down the days
see homeless faces multiply
shuffling down the street
while bankers satisfy their thirst
and drain the public teat.
great gods of greed are worshiped now
and petty men succeed somehow
yet governments don’t heed their vow -
what hope is there for us?
the rules of war are buried here
screaming lifeless sounds
as might makes right becomes the cry
hypocrisy abounds.
great gods of greed are worshiped now
and petty men succeed somehow
yet governments don’t heed their vow -
what hope is there for us?
hollow men have hollow dreams
life is cheaper than it seems
we change the face and say we’ve won
but our destruction has begun
great gods of greed are worshiped now
and petty men succeed somehow
yet governments don’t heed their vow -
what hope is there for us?
what hope is there for us?
Author notes
Structure:
Verse 1
Verse 2
Chorus
Verse 3
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus
Prompt: Current Affairs
Credits:
On Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville, published in 1835
"American democracy was seen to have its potential downside: the despotism of public opinion, the tyranny of majority, conformity for the purpose of seeking material security, the absence of intellectual freedom which he saw to degrade administration and bring statesmanship, learning, and literature to the level of the lowest. Democracy in America predicted the violence of party spirit and the judgment of the wise subordinated to the prejudices of the ignorant."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democracy_in_America
suggestion for future challenge: picture prompts - particularly several different paintings by a classical artist
In a list
A contest entry
- The Ultimate La-La Challenge: Round 8 - Top Ten by Laura Lamarca.
1150 points, ended October 28, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What are your thoughts on this poem?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Very nicely done and written, love the quote you used in the authors notes. It's so damn true of todays society. Excellent job and best of luck... Scott
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Requeiscat in Pace
First impression: 10/10
Relative to prompt: 10/10
Creativity with prompt: 10/10
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
Flow, Melody/Rhythm etc: 9/10
Cohesion: 5/5
Use of poetic device in general: 10/10
Poet's personal effort: 10/10
Song's "profound" effect: 10/10
Rules followed: 5/5
Last impression: 10/10
Extra credit points:
Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5
Total score: 114/115
I think you may have meant "Requiescat" in your title. Just a typo there.
You have no idea how dear I hold your words and how I wish everyone could read them - know them - and do what is necessary to absorb them. I loved the reference you left in your author's notes to the message from Alexis de Tocqueville. Now THAT is vision.
Excellent work and a stellar presentation. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Requeiscat in Pace:
First impression: 9/10
Relative to prompt: 10/10
Creativity with prompt: 10/10
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
Flow, Melody/Rhythm etc: 10/10
Cohesion: 5/5
Use of poetic device in general: 10/10
Poet's personal effort: 10/10
Song's "profound" effect: 9/10
Rules followed: 5/5
Last impression: 10/10
Extra credit points:
Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5
Total score: 113/115
i sang this as i read it. i love the content and how it just is, your flow is ultra-smooth and this just runs so fluently that nothing is in-your-face and yet you get your message across cleanly and clearly.
laura.
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I haven't read any of de Tocqueville since college and it is amazing how prophetic he turned out to be. I may be overly optimistic but I think we can turn things around if people adopt some of the spirit of the 60's. I've often heard my mother say that she can't understand what happened to the "peace and love" generation. There was such promise and now there is such apathy. I liked the tone of this piece. Peace, Liz
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oh i remember reading this during a chem lecture i also remember thinking how impressed i was that you used this reference : On Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville, published in 1835 (my history teach will invite you over for tea
) lovely work with this
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Visionary. Your voice is always so poetic. You spoke your prompt fluently and well - and I more than agree. And indeed - hope; you touched a spring the should cause a reaction in many people.
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Excellent and so very powerful! Love it! Vivid and strrong. Best wishes in this challenge
Gaylene
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Again, this is another song that speaks volumes about the problems in society. I enjoyed this. Good luck.
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There are some great lines here! I enjoyed reading this several times. I like your chorus- I felt is was a strong part of the song.
"while bankers satisfy their thirst
and drain the public teat." This is probably my favorite line
I found this staight forward and strong- nicely done!
I like your suggestion for a future round too!-- Paintings by classical artists would be great
Best wishes,
K
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