I love those first few moments when my body softly wakes
my brain’s still sound asleep though so my pain does not yet ache
Beaming through the window light’s delivered like a letter
I pray today will be the day in which my life gets better
These feelings only moments brought abruptly to an end
erupting in a yawn I lift the sheets and then ascend
As the cogs inside my head begin to turn together
I slowly pull the curtain back to check up on the weather
Just another day that seems no different from the last
overcast with crying clouds a feeling unsurpassed
As the day progresses hiding underlying sorrow
Back to bed I go and hope my day will be tomorrow
A contest entry
- Scream your soul by XxwhisperonthewindX.
400 points, ended October 24, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - enter your best poem, prewrites allowed :) by sillysmile.
400 points, ended November 8, 139 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - prewrite contest round 2 by serenity silvermoon.
816 points, ended October 28, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Great rhyme, nice flow. A smooth read, with pangs.
Some days really are like that, but
ya gotta find a random rainbow
when found, the getting up
is worth the search
-
This is a very good piece. I like how you wrote it.
I think it should have won gold, or at least the silver trophy. Keep up your amazing work!!!!
TwiztidMaggot -
I can relate to this somedays.....but my dogs pull me round
and gee me along to the coffee pot, then I start to feel more human.
I'm never going back to those depressive days, I work very hard not to.
So you see I relate to this and think you have penned a fab poem.
Now enjoy today and write yet another fab poem for us.
Love Lu x
-
what a sad poem...One wants to shout, "get up and do something" but I know thats not as easy as it seems. A lovely poem well written...Dan
-
The unspoken element of this piece is what makes it so sorrowful, I think. That a soul be so overburdened and without hope and faith that a simple look out the window is really just a formality, the heart already knows the day will be the same shade of gray. Very well written piece.
-
You did a fantastic job on this poem. The picture is quite haunting. Yet the poem has a haunting element in itself that one still sees the picture it is trying to show us by merely reading the lines. Nice rhyme. But what I enjoyed most is the rhythm when I read this piece out loud.
-
i can totally relate to this feeling. you portrayed it very well. a very nice representation of stagnation and apathy.
-
I really like the emotions and the story...I can absolutely relate to this, praying for the day just to go by and to be tomorrow but then it's not tomorrow anymore, it turns to today and it's the same all over again...a very well penned write with a great rhyming scheme...
take care and good luck in the contests
Suza
-
I really like the picture at the beggining it starts of the piece for you by giving you i really like the rhyme pattern, great work, this is my favorite line
Just another day that seems no different from the last
overcast with crying clouds a feeling unsurpassed
As the day progresses hiding underlying sorrow
Back to bed I go and hope my day will be tomorrow
it is really good, good luck in the contest
-
Awe
This is such a beautifully tragic piece with such heartfelt emotion! Your rhyme and flow is impeccable { just as it was in the last poem of yours that I read } Everything you put into your writing seems to leak straight from the core of your soul and it's something I can really relate to as well. I have hopes that tomorrow will be the day you awake and feel renewed. It's time life gives us all a break from the ordinary mundane depressing state it's been in! We all need a little encouragement to keep us holding on when times aren't as good as they once were and nothing seems worth the effort it takes to endure....
A fantastic job well done! ~Blessed Be~
-
You did a wonderful job with this poem. It's something that I think so many of us can relate to on a personal level. I really enjoyed reading this and thank you for sharing it with us all here! Keep up the wonderful work here!
Jeremy0826 -
Wow, thats sure packs a punch. The depth to it is most incredable. It is unbelievable. There is nothing forced, no artificail canny jokes slipped into this woeful tale.Great work, the picture to gives it a great emphisism and detail.
You should have it entered into a contest,
it would bring you a trophy or two!
Best of luck with your writting
Dryad Enya
-
-
Dryad, thank for such encouraging comments about my poem, I'm really glad you liked it and reading your comments just made my day. Thank You.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
